Archive for September, 2009

Ghost Ship is a shockingly bad movie. A bumbling insane plot coupled with a sweaty mass of bad acting turn this semblance of an idea into a laughably bad horror film that is bafflingly watchable despite being so utterly and completely rubbish. Captain Sean Murphy (Gabriel Byrne) runs a sea salvage operation with a solid [...]

As soon as Lloyd “Troma” Kaufman’s name appears at the beginning, even if it’s not in any capacity other than “presenting”, you should know what kind of a film you’re in for. If you aren’t familiar with Troma’s output, well apart from the obvious “Call yourself a horror fan?”, then go check out some of [...]

‘There’s only thing wrong with the Davies baby; it’s alive’, went the tagline for the 1974 killer-tot flick, It’s Alive. The tagline for the 2008 remake however reads thus; ‘Please Be Quiet. Do not wake him up.’ This significant drop in quality in something as inconsequential as the tagline is indicative of the remakes’ diminished [...]

Nazi zombies. Or zombie Nazis. Whichever way you turn it, it cannot be denied that the concept has that kind of revelatory spark which comes with an epiphany, like a lightbulb appearing above the head of character in a Looney Tunes cartoon. It’s beautifully hideous in its simplicity, taking either one of these two groups [...]

Whiteout is a hugely predictable and occasionally dull thriller that smacks with a potential that it barely touches. Beautifully shot but terribly made, this is a waste of time and an ugly addition to the snow-bound horror genre. Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale) has quit her job as the most pointless US Marshal on Earth, having [...]

Snuff. Apart from an older generation (and fans of period dramas) to whom the word may conjure images of powdered tobacco being snorted from ornate tin boxes, for the rest of us, especially the cine-literate, the word is associated with death, in particular the (alleged) real on-screen murder of another human being for the purpose [...]

Reeker sees a group of young adults travelling out into the desert in order to attend an illegal rave. Unfortunately, their plans of taking drugs and indulging in some wild abandon in the middle of nowhere are disrupted when their car breaks down and, whilst also having a disgruntled drug dealer on their tail, they [...]

So I guess if you have to blame any film for Hollywood’s obsession with remaking Asian horror movies, it’s this one. It certainly seemed to start the whole thing rolling – The Grudge came soon after, along with Dark Water, One Missed Call, The Uninvited and a whole host of increasingly crappier and crappier films. [...]

Sorority Row is a shameless slasher flick remake with a difference – it has some reasonable dialogue and likeable characters. Plot wise it is a simple case of a prolific serial killer clocking up victims on one single night, and although it’s about as inspired as a dog in a kennel, it’s surprisingly fun. A [...]

I, initially, had very high hopes for My Name Is Bruce. I mean, a film in which Bruce Campbell plays Bruce Campbell and is forced into a real life ‘Evil Dead’ type situation? What could possibly go wrong? Unfortunately, the more I heard about the film, and the increased number of delays to it’s theatrical [...]

Sometimes the job of a reviewer is to watch a film and then warn its intended audience not to. This is one such occasion. Amusement is about three young women and the young man who has become obsessed with them. Through flashbacks we are informed that whilst all four were just children, and attending School [...]

The Prowler begins unusually, with WWII newsreel footage documenting the return of American soldiers, informing the (perhaps uninformed) viewer as to the phenomenon known colloquially as the “Dear John” letter, the letter any serviceman stationed overseas at the time dreaded to receive from his girlfriend or wife, informing him that she, for whatever reason, could [...]

Awake is dull. Great concept, appalling script, terribly acted and manically boring. If you want to continue reading this review, then it’s guaranteed to be more entertaining than the ninety minutes of sleep-inducing crud that someone felt necessary to commit to film. Avoid this unless you’ve run out of anaesthetic. Clay Beresford (Hayden Christensen) has [...]

On hearing a few key details about this movie, you can’t help but imagine a low budget gore romp: Former lesbian’s new born baby craves blood, while baby’s grandmother lactates and obsesses over having another child. Grace could, most definitely, not be described as a romp of any kind. Grace is essentially a suspense thriller [...]

It’s been quite some time since a film came on the scene, whose title could be used in the same breath as such classic horror-sci-fi epics as Blade Runner and Alien, but District 9 is a serious contender. Directed by Peter Jackson’s protégé Neill Blomkamp, District 9 tells us a story of an alternate reality [...]

“King of Japanese grotesque movie” or so says the DVD cover. It would be fair to say this movie has only garnered the level of furore surrounding it due to the BBFC’s decision not to allow it an 18 certificate, meaning that Grotesque is the first movie to be banned in four years. Last time [...]

Pusit is in trouble. On one single day his car gets repossessed, he’s fired from his job and his debts crawl so far into the red his wallet is bleeding. Looking at a fantastically bleak future, a strange phone call offering him money for simple tasks seems too good to be true. The first task [...]

I have, in my lifetime, witnessed through the magic of film many horrifying sights, reels of celluloid wreathed in blood and viscera, twisted images of the macabre and terrible that make grown men scream like big girls’ blouses. But none, NONE of these compare to Nomads, which introduced me to something so ghastly, so frightening [...]

In this atomic age big bug extravaganza, the action shifts to Mexico, where volcanic activity and a series of earthquakes ravage open a hole into a subterranean pocket containing all manner of prehistoric beasties and creepy crawlies, among them a nest of the dreaded scorpions. Some of the scorpions escape their Tartarus-like imprisonment and roam [...]

Remaking such an infamous cult classic is either a really brave or a really stupid thing to do. Having watched 2009’s The Last House On The Left, I’m inclined to think it’s possibly a combination of the two. My expectations for this film were pretty low to begin with and shockingly, it still didn’t quite [...]

The final day is upon us, and I am somewhat rested after getting the closest thing to a full nights sleep I’ve seen all weekend. It was a shame to have missed Black, but sod it, sleep wins.

Smash Cut is very strange – not Repo The Genetic Opera strange, not Visitor Q strange, but kooky strange in a way that is both disarming and charming. Some will find it schlocky and dribblingly inept, but it is fun, dipped in gore and has a very wry sense of knowing that holds it together [...]

In 2005, The Descent became a surprise sleeper hit for Dog Soldiers director Neil Marshall, propelling him into the world of big budget free reign films such as Doomsday and the forthcoming Centurion. Naturally, with all things popular, a sequel was destined to crawl out of the darkness and assault us. Nervous of all things [...]

The plot of April Fool’s Day won’t, at a glance, distinguish it greatly from a lot of teen slasher flicks of the time. Taking a leaf from Happy Birthday to Me (1981), the teens here are a privileged bunch of college students, assembled at the request of their wealthy friend Muffy St. John (no, that’s [...]

If you’ve seen any of the Final Destination films then you’re in for literally no surprises with The Final Destination. Playing like a remake of all the other films before it, The Final Destination starts us this time at a crumbling car racetrack where a misplaced screwdriver starts off a devastating chain of events that [...]