In a small American police station, the unassuming skeleton crew question of young man who’s apparently just decapitated his girlfriend (whilst fucking her – real nice). A bit weird, but otherwise a routine night. Then a demon walks in holding a severed head. Yes, a demon. Then everything starts to go horribly, horribly wrong.

This particular demon is Inkubus (Robert Englund), an ancient monster who has cut swathes through humanity since the Middle Ages. Strangely he agrees to be incarcerated as long as they fetch him retired police detective Gil Diamante (William Forsythe), a man who has a past with the demonic killer. But they’re all pawns in Inkubus’s diabolical game, and this game is one full of blood, guts, madness and death. And a bit more madness.

Inkubus is great. It has some serious issues but, for a film contained to almost one location and a smattering of characters, it is surprisingly compelling. The main draw from many genre fans will be Robert Englund and William Forsythe and they certainly don’t disappoint – these veterans of gore shine throughout.

Forsythe is excellent as the troubled Gil Diamante, truly believable as a mind-cracked ex-detective seeped in past injustices and hidden pain. Forsythe is a hugely underrated actor and he proves his expertise in another complex role. A quality performance.

The demon Inkubus is Englund unleashed. In other films and cameo roles it feels he’s been hired to give a cheeky smile or a knowing nod, a reference to Freddy Kruger or simply to stand there and drag audiences towards the film like a giant horror-fan magnet. In Inkubus he is the character – incredibly dangerous, sly, funny, clearly brilliant and utterly evil. He is superb throughout. Watch this film for his performance, it is one of his best.

Yet it’s not just Englund and Forsythe that makes Inkubus work – the inclusion of stars does not automatically make a film awesome (I’m looking at you, Zombie Strippers). Writer / director Glenn Ciano clearly has talent, delving into character (before killing them brutally), ratcheting up tension and creating solid pace throughout. His focus on Inkubus’s use of madness and magic is what makes this stand out – it’s not just another kill-crazy chainsaw fest of samey deaths, each assault is different and brutally compelling. Ciano’s use of Englund is also excellent and you really feel the energy on the screen – fun, crazed and incredibly dangerous – and everyone involved seems to be 100% behind this.

Unfortunately Inkubus does suffer from some confused editing, a meandering mid-section and an awful flash-back / flash-forward framing device that simply does not work. These are major issues, but forgivable considering how good the majority of the film is.

Conclusion? Seek Inkubus out. Watch it for William Forsythe’s sharp acting and Robert Englund’s playfully insane turn as the title role. Watch it for the story and the direction and the brutal, blood splattering moments. Watch Inkubus.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10 stars

Six twenty-somethings piss off the wrong trucker by overtaking him on a road somewhere in America. This trucker happens to be dressed as a giant bunny and has an awkward tendency to kidnap, torture and murder people. Country folk, huh?  Soon the six some find themselves stranded and (mostly) alone in some woods, faced with a completely stoppable killer rabbit. Hijinks ensue.

The Bunnyman Massacre is literally the worst film I’ve seen in years. Decades, even. Why? Well – simply put – because it’s appallingly made on every single level. Below is a special Gorepress guide how NOT to make a horror film, based on The Bunnyman Massacre’s many many flaws:

#1 CHARACTERS:

Aspiring filmmakers should watch this to see how characters should NEVER be created. Here are some questions you might have after watching The Bunnyman Massacre:

> Who are these people?

> Where did they come from?

> Where were they going to?

> How do they know each other?

> Why did they leave each other to die horrible deaths at every possible opportunity?

Perhaps it’s the annual vacation of the Friendless Coward’s Club, where they drive around back-roads looking for trucks to overtake.  Whatever the case, they are personality-less 2D clichés and incredibly unconvincing.

#2 DIALOGUE:

The script is appalling. Every character sounds the same and rolls off classic lines such as “Let’s go”, “I think I hear something” and “What’s that?” over and over again. One scene featured this amazing moment:

Six people in a broken-down car. One climbs out and looks around.

Rachel: “What’re we gonna do?”

John: “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

End scene.

Boom! That’s a lesson on how to thrill your audience into a big fat coma. There are multiple scenes like this, where characters seemingly ad-lib and improvise shoddy dialogue that is witless and horribly dull.

# 3 ACTORS:

Unfortunately only approximately two people can actually act in The Bunnyman Massacre. This is another lesson for filmmakers – do not cast someone unless they can deliver your awful dialogue and make is sound convincing. These people can’t. Perhaps they were family friends or university chums – whatever the case, most of them were atrocious.

# 4 PROTAGONIST:

The protagonist. The hero. The person we root for. In this case it’s presumably Rachel (Cheryl Texiera) and her boyfriend John (Matthew Albrecht). And here’s another TWO lessons from this:

A.) Never have your hero run away and leave their friends to die, it stops them being a hero and makes them a bastardhole.

B) As you’re heading towards the climax, don’t have your hero disappear for over 12 minutes. That’s an eighth of your movie – which is how long Rachel goes missing for towards the end of The Bunnyman Massacre – and it no longer makes them a protagonist. An unforgiveable mistake.

# 5 SENSELESLESS:

Horror films feature extreme situations with unnatural occurrences hampering our heroes. Ghosts, goblins, dream-dwelling paedos and – in this case – serial killers. The extremity of these monstrous elements means that the human / victim characters should act naturally. Sadly The Bunnyman Massacre fails on this too.

Example A.) Their friend is crushed under a car, but none of them check if he’s alive – they just walk away and don’t particularly seem to care.

Example B.) They find a path flanked with upside-down crosses and bags of human bones, and when our hero suggests it’s probably not a good idea to continue down the path, her boyfriend says “There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation”. Yes, a serial killing nutcase did it, you braindead halfwit. Why not walk towards his HOME?! Bloody moron.

The filmmakers even have the audacity to say this film is “based on a true story”, which is amateur horror filmmakers slang for “inspired by something my mate’s brother saw in a newspaper once”.  Don’t use it unless your film is deadly serious and very good, otherwise you’re shitting on the graves of those people who might’ve died at the bunnyman’s hands.

# 6 A PLOT:

Have a plot. Seriously. A plot cannot just be “people find themselves in a place and they try n’ escape”. This isn’t a plot, it’s a sentence. The Bunnyman Massacre’s plot is this:

> Six people get stranded in the woods.

> Six people wander about aimlessly, often off the roads and into some dark & scary woods.

> Six people – by massive coincidence – keep running into psychotic murderers and / or hillbilly clichés (you know the ones – > they like shotguns, swearing, rape and chewing something brown).

> Six people slowly get killed off until two of them decide to fight back, waaay too late.

> Yawn.

This plot suffers especially from the “wandering aimlessly”. The group of moronic twenty-somethings have no plan. Their car crashes next to a road and instead of flagging down another car or walking up the road, they wander into the forest a bit. It’s ludicrous and pathetic. Lesson learned – have a plot, a goal and a direction otherwise the audience will be BORED.

# 7 THE MONSTER & THE VIOLENCE:

Intrinsically linked (unless you’re really doing something wrong) the monster must deal out violence in original and interesting ways. The Bunnyman’s uniqueness stops with his bunny suit. He is simply a man – he has no special powers or hyper intelligence or super strength. In fact, our “heroes” have many many many clear chances at killing the Bunnyman, but don’t take them (for literally no reason except for plotting purposes). They rip the chainsaw from his hands and then – insanely!  – leave it lying around for him to pick up later.

The Bunnyman’s “unique” raison d’être is this: he does blood-lust surgery on someone whilst listening to classical music (cliché!), he videos the violence (cliché!), he has a rapey gimp-like helper (for no reason!), he pulls teeth (cliché!), he nail-guns stomachs (cliché!), he stabs (cliché!), he chainsaws (cliché!), walks real slow (cliché!) and even drives a scary truck with tinted windows (Jeepers Creepers cliché!).

Boom!! Cliché to the max! Nothing here is original. Your originality cannot just be a costume; it needs to be so much more.

#8 SOUND:

Sound is SO important in horror films. It builds tension, it creates jump-scares and it provides momentum in some of the slower moments. Darren ‘Sunny’ Warkentin should be ashamed of himself as the sound mix is appalling – the dialogue dips from being super quiet to MEGA LOUD! And it is distractingly awful. Perhaps this is why most of the character information was lost on me – because I literally couldn’t hear it!

FINAL LESSON – BE ORIGINAL:

The Bunnyman Masscare’s originality stops at the title, and then moves on to liberally steal from Jeepers Creepers, The Hitcher, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (multiple times!), Deliverance, Wrong Turn, Monsterman, The Hills Have Eyes etc… etc… No one will remember your film if it plagiarizes so heavily from more popular / significantly better films. The Bunnyman Massacre is a clichéd mess.

Low budget is not an excuse. The Bunnyman himself is played by Carl Lindbergh, who also happens to be the writer / director / producer and editor of this messy cackbadgery. A case of being too close to a project, or maybe he wrote and directed the film whilst wearing a giant, eyeless bunny mask… that would explain a lot.

OVERALL:

The Bunnyman Massacre is a useful learning tool and a horrendously made horror film. Released in the USA in 2009 under the title of Bunnyman, this has taken four years and one name change to get to the UK and it’s a crying shame it didn’t drown on the way here.

Plotless, stupid, infuriating, dull, awfully acted, directed, scripted and sound-mixed, this is a senseless waste of everyone’s time. Avoid it or learn from it. Whatever the case, this film is one of the worst films ever made.

Perhaps worse news is that The Bunnyman Massacre has a sequel! Written and directed by Carl Lindbergh again, Bunnyman 2 is in post production now. I just pray he’s learned from his previous mistakes…

Rating: 0 out of 10 stars

In the deep cold of an Alaskan oil drilling facility, Ottway (Liam Neeson) works as a sharpshooter and camp protector, sniping wolves before they get too close (and consume the oil workers). These workers are the scum of the earth – brawling, drunken ex-cons who get their kicks from fucking whale sized, 53-year-old Eskimo hookers (apparently) – but, you know, they’re okay really. Kind of.

Ottway and a small collection of oil drillers board a plane back to the mainland, thoughts full of family and warmth and middle-aged Eskimo whores. But the plane crashes. Into the snow. In the middle of freakin’ nowhere.

Ottway and seven other survivors find themselves facing a terrible reality; they have no food, no shelter, killer weather and no chance of rescue. And then a pack of wolves turn up! Vicious, psychotic CGI monsters hell-bent on killing the beardy human scum that crash-landed into their territory.

The Grey then becomes a run-fight-hide scenario, not necessarily in that order. Not willing to “do an Alive” and chow down on dead man butt-cheek, the dwindling group of survivors trek South, either away from the wolves or deeper into their territory…

Coming from the writer of the underrated Death Sentence (Ian Mackenzie Jeffers) and A Team director Joe Carnahan, The Grey is certainly well scripted and directed. The first thirty minutes are certainly a compelling watch – the plane crash is superb – with more character work in half an hour than you’d normally find in 100 minutes of your average action flick.

In places The Grey is also terrifying (hence it’s appearance on Gorepress). The plane crash is superbly done and genuinely horrific; loud, panicked-filled, confusing and brutal. Then there’s the scenes at night – deep in the forest or exposed on the Alaskan tundra – which are haunting and nerve-jangling, with the sound of howling beasts lurking somewhere in the inky black. The wolves are brutal, attack at the worst moments and really provide a great threat. Scary as hell… until it the sun comes up.

The problem with The Grey is the latter half. Once Ottway and “friends” leave the wreckage of the plane behind and survive a night in the woods, the film becomes very generic and – although exciting – a little tiresome. In places it reminded me strongly of Ravenous (another seriously underrated film), The Edge and Alive, with cliff jumping, branch twatting and in-fighting abound. Nothing really surprises here.

Neeson is excellent as always and utterly believable as Ottway throughout. Originally the role was offered to Bradley Cooper, which would’ve simply been awful on nearly all levels. Luckily we’re given a cast full of mature, believable performers who all do well in their given roles. At times they can appear a little clichéd, but they all feel like multi-layered people and not just stock archetypes, which is testament to them and the Jeffers-Carnahan team.

If you love Liam Neeson’s recent foray into the world of bloody action flicks then this sits somewhere between the brutal awesomeness of Taken and the predictable nonsense of Unknown. The Grey is certain to divide audiences.

You might love it, you might absolutely hate it – I’m stuck somewhere in the middle, having enjoyed it but finding myself desperately wanting more. Overall The Grey is worth the watch. Just.

Oh, and DO NOT WATCH THE TRAILER. If I could find the person responsible for taking the film’s FINAL FUCKING SCENE and slapping it into the trailer, I would throw them into a pit full of glass, salt and CGI wolves. Absolute fucking idiots. It’s worse than the spoilerific trailer for The Crazies, and that says something. So I reiterate – DO NOT WATCH THE TRAILER.

Rating: 6 out of 10 stars

Whatever you’ve imagined (or been told by Hollywood) it’s probably nothing like what happens in PERFECT SENSE, the apocalyptic sci-fi fable starring Ewan McGregor and Eva Green, released on DVD on MONDAY.

A new virus is spreading throughout the globe, slowly stripping people of their five senses one at a time and beginning with the sense of smell. Deep feelings of grief, depression and rage briefly precede each sense loss, causing communities to spiral into chaos as the authorities struggle to cope with the situation.

Witnessing these events are Michael (McGregor), the head chef at a swanky Glasgow restaurant, and Susan (Green), an aloof epidemiologist who is conducting research into the outbreak. Following a chance encounter, Michael and Susan embark on an affair that sees them experiencing new and unforeseen depths of feeling and moments of pure emotional connection.

But is their passion really based on love or is it that, with the world falling apart around them, they have nothing else to hold on to but each other?

So, it’s an apocalyptic sci-fi horror drama romance… check out the new TV SPOT for PERFECT SENSE here: http://youtu.be/305qENtCo7U

Directed by David Mackenzie from a script by award winning Danish writer Kim Fupz Aakeson, PERFECT SENSE will be released on DVD by Arrow Films on 30th January 2012.

Internet entrepreneurs Sean (Emile Hirsch) and Ben (Max Minghella) are having a tough time in Moscow. Their sensational website idea has been brutally nicked by clichéd slimy guy Skyler (Joel Kinnaman) and their dreams instantly shattered. The solution? Get drunk!

The American duo head into a Russian club and bump into Natalie (Olivia Thirlby) and Anne (Rachael Taylor), another couple of statesiders kicking back in Russia. Naturally Skyler is there too – as Moscow is a very small place, obviously – and their evening goes from sad to horrendous when… ALIENS ATTACK!

This is not Skyline, despite the following description: weird lights suddenly come down from the sky and foolishly curious civilians get sucked up and obliterated by invisible aliens. This is not Skyline, this is The Darkest Hour, and it’s different because of two things:

1.) It’s set in Russia

2.) It’s not entirely without merit

Where Skyline failed was in character & purpose (a group of absolute wankers hide in building. Credits roll) and although The Darkest Hour doesn’t exactly excel in these things, it just felt less arrogant and hateful.

The Darkest Hour focuses on our lost Americans, stuck in a country they don’t understand, being hunted by things they cannot see. It’s a compelling idea but also very disconnected. The plot is basically this: go from Point A to Point B, do something, move from Point B to Point C, do something else, go from Point C to Point D etc… etc… and it quickly becomes tiresome.

How are the aliens? Well, at first they’re amazing; wisps of energy, lighting up anything electrical nearby, literally obliterating anything organic by touch. They’re incredibly dangerous, although a little purposeless and meandering. Mid-way into The Darkest Hour we discover there is something more to these extraterrestrials and it’s… disappointing (to say the least). The aliens are laughably bad and simply ridiculous. Seriously, someone explain them to me. Please. I mean, really? What’re they made of? Coal?

Is it well acted? Yes and no. Despite being an exceptional actor (see Into the Wild or Alpha Dog) Emile Hirsch merely happens in this movie, nothing more. He simply isn’t compelling. It is only when they join with some Russians (way into the film) that The Darkest Hour becomes genuinely interesting.

Veronika Ozerova is probably the best thing in The Darkest Hour, as Russian teenager Vika. Without a single film credit to her name, Ozerova out-acts the majority of the cast, who wring out every single scene with cloying sentimentality and false bravado. If the film had focused on Vika instead of a group of lost Americans, it would’ve been a lot sharper.

The main surprise is finding out who the creators of The Darkest Hour are. The direction is so rudimentary and the script so epically po-faced I had expected the credits to land in the laps of someone like Nelson McCormack or J.S. Cardone. But this is directed by Chris Gorak, the man behind the superbly slow-burning dirty-bomb thriller Right at Your Door, and scriptwriter Jon Spaihts who – perhaps worryingly – has co-written the Alien-prequel Prometheus! Their work here is not diabolical; it’s just mediocre and unoriginal.

Overall The Darkest Hour is entertaining, silly, awkward and ambling. There are moments of genius and it peaks with the introduction of the Russian characters, yet for all its build up and thrills this is a soulless alien-invasion flick with some awfully absurd aliens. The Darkest Hour is good fun and totally ridiculous, but sadly forgettable.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10 stars

When I think of Scotland and Horror, I think of two things –

1.) An American Werewolf in London (beware the moon!)

2.) Glasgow FRIGHTFEST

The United Kingdom’s favourite (and best) horror fantasy festival returns to its second home at the Glasgow Film Festival for the SEVENTH year, with its biggest line-up ever.

The following is literally copy n’ pasted from the good people of Clout Communications (thanks Greg!) for your pleasure and knowledge.

For those hardcore fans who don’t care about line-ups and all that malarkey, go book your  tickets immediately here:

+44 (0)141 332 6535

box-office@glasgowfilm.org

From Friday February 24th to Saturday Feb 25^th, Film4 FrightFest will be screening eleven new must-see genre titles – ten of which are UK premieres. So expect to be taken of the roller-coaster ride from hell with this ghoulish global celluloid feast, featuring Argentinean demons, flesh-hungry Russian zombies, mutant cannibals, a Chinese-speaking alien, Asia’s deadliest killers, a Croatian hit-man, Pinocchio obsessed psychos and Jack Nicholson like you’ve never seen him before.

With guest directors and filmmakers from all over world (to be announced shortly), surprises on screen and off, and our unique community feeling, FrightFest Glasgow has now become a must-attend occasion on the horror fantasy fan’s calendar.

Alan Jones, FrightFest’s co-director said:

“Film4 FrightFest is thrilled to be part of the Glasgow Film Festival for its seventh and biggest year. We’ll be showing eleven fantastic premieres, previews and special events to shock, thrill and amaze over two days – plus those must-meet guests from all corners of the genre.  So, be part of the best community spirit in the country while watching the best fright stuff currently on offer. There couldn’t be a better way to delve into 2012 and ready yourselves for FrightFest the 13th in August.”

Now what’s on offer this year? Check out the LINE UP below:

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FRIDAY 24th FEBRUARY

13:30 – CORMAN’S WORLD: EXPLOITS OF A HOLLYWOOD REBEL (Scottish Premiere)

101 mins   Director: Alex Stapleton   USA 2011

Roger Corman was the true Godfather of independent filmmaking and this multi-era defining documentary tracks the triumphant rise of the legendary writer, director, producer and distributor, widely known for his high camp, low budget, rapid fire exploitation movies of the 1950s and 60s.  Corman is also a well-respected maverick, rabble-rouser and producer. He created his own production and distribution company and discovered the next generation of film greats including Martin Scorsese, Francis Ford Coppola, Peter Bogdanovich, Joe Dante, James Cameron and even Ron Howard. From Corman’s first 1955 feature THE MONSTER FROM THE OCEAN FLOOR through the Edgar Allan Poe/Vincent Price horrors and Hell’s Angels flicks to his latest production DINOSHARK, all the blood and guts of his lurid and fascinating brilliance on a budget career is here illustrated by great clips and with insights from his contemporaries, students, stars – and Jack Nicholson like you’ve never seen him before.

16:00 – TAPE 407: THE MESA RESERVE INCIDENT (UK Premiere)

90 mins  Directors: Dale Fabrigar & Evette Wallin   USA 2011

Gore and confusion abound when a US passenger plane crashes in a mysteriously remote and unknown area. As the handful of disbelieving survivors emerge, scared, bloody and disoriented, they soon realise their nightmare has only just begun. Subtly slipping from disaster movie to eerie horror adventure and political conspiracy theory, the frantic documentary style camerawork places you at the heart of the unfolding horror. When the plot thickens further, monstrous mayhem continues into completely unexplored areas and becomes a whirlwind ride through the strangely uninhabited Mesa Reserve compound with a twist ending to leave you breathless.

18:30 – CRAWL  (UK Premiere)

81 mins   Director: Paul China   Australia 2011

Claustrophobic heat and brooding tension seep from the screen in this character-driven hi-tone chiller set in an unknown rural town. Seedy bar owner Slim Walding hires a mysterious Croatian hit man to murder a local garage owner over a shady business deal gone bad. The crime is indeed carried out by the stone-faced stranger but a planned double-crossing backfires when an innocent waitress (Georgina Haig) becomes involved. Much of what makes this study in slow-burning terror so nail-bitingly effective is the silence that director China employs for long periods, coupled with the deep, shadowy corners of the picture frame – and minds of the captivating lead characters.

21:00 – THE DAY  (UK Premiere)

90 mins   Director: Doug Aarniokoski   Canada 2011

Apocalypse has arrived and the world is a brutally dangerous place in the impressive debut feature from writer Luke Passmore. Directed by Doug Aarniokoski this mutant hunt follows a group of five survivors who are heading to greener pastures to try and find a place to plant some rare vegetable seed. They’re low on ammunition and food and one of the group is extremely sick. So they break from their usual protocol and hole up in an abandoned two-story farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.  Soon, the cannibals, their mortal enemy, will come looking for prey…Visually stark as its environment, and delivering splatter kills, seat-edged suspense and visceral action, this blockade shocker is the middle instalment of a projected trilogy, THE DAY and marks the arrival of a host of new talent and an anticipated much larger holocaust hellhole vision.

23:15 – WAR OF THE DEAD  (UK premiere)

85 mins    Director: Marko Makilaakso    Lithuania/USA/Italy 2011

In 1939 ‘anti-death’ medical experiments were performed on captured Russian soldiers by Gestapo officers in the opening salvos of World War II. Two years later allied Finnish and American forces are on a mission to seize an underground enemy bunker on the Soviet border – but they must face attack by a far deadlier force – the flesh-hungry victims of those SS experiments. Thankfully this barrage of bullets, bombs and brains is all refreshingly free of the irony and winking that has become all too common in the modern zombie flick. With a stirring soundtrack by Joel Goldsmith (son of Jerry), WAR OF THE DEAD solely concentrates on delivering wave after wave of highly satisfying, action-packed, war punk cool living dead mayhem.

SATURDAY 25^TH FEBRUARY

11:00 – EVIDENCE (UK Premiere)

80 mins   Director: Howie Askins    USA 2011

Ryan decides to make a documentary on his friend Brett about camping in the Los Angeles canyons. Keeping them company are girlfriends Abi and Ashley and it all starts off well around the campfire with a few drinks. But then the noises start, weird carvings are glimpsed on trees, a naked person is seen running away and something seems to be following them… It’s then the full horror is thrown at you relentlessly, until the very last frame of the incredible end credits sequence. Harrowing and uncompromising, forget everything you think that you know about the ‘found footage’ genre. None of it is applicable here. Just take the chill ride, let your mind be blown and try and catch your breath.

13:15 – PENUMBRA  (UK premiere)

85 mins   Director: Adrian Garcia Bogliano   Argentina 2011

Film 4 FrightFest included Adrián García Bogliano’s unique chiller COLD SWEAT in their 2011 All-Nighter programme. Now they are proud to present the director’s latest bold experiment into creeping paranoia with a nasty twist. Marga, an arrogant businesswoman from Spain is on a business assignment in Buenos Aires – she must find a new tenant for her family’s decrepit apartment. But what’s behind the décor signals a startling fate worse than death. PENUMBRA (or GLOOM in direct translation) is a superbly realized horror entry from the Argentine talent rapidly becoming a genre powerhouse all to himself.

15:30 – RITES OF SPRING (UK premiere)

80 mins   Director: Padraig Reynolds   USA 2011

In the spring of 1984 five teenagers went missing Then suddenly, the disappearances stopped. But the following spring it began again with the vanishing of a string of young girls, For the next 24 years the disappearances continued. No bodies were ever recovered. However in 2008 something happened to halt the catalogue of terror and this glossy, gruesome and gory urban legend tells that story. But as a murderous lunatic goes about the seasonal business of selecting victims for the monster housed in his cellar, four sleazy criminals are planning an audacious kidnap from a nearby estate. As one-to-watch first-time writer/director director Padraig Reynolds intercuts both stories, giving away more shocking details in each phase, it’s only a matter of time before the two collide and all hell breaks loose.

18:30 – L’ARRIVO DI WANG/ WANG’S ARRIVAL (UK Premiere)

82 mins  Directors: Manetti bros.   Italy 2011

It’s another dull film subtitling job day for Chinese-language interpreter Gaia when she’s suddenly called up out of the blue bythe Italian authorities to translate the interrogation of a mysterious captive alien from another world. called Mr Wang.  What happens next will change Gaia’s life forever and the entire destiny of planet Earth. A devious and sinister modern-day morality tale, this award-winning science-fiction chiller comes from latest potent creative force on the Mondo Italiano art scene, Marco and Antonio Manetti, collectively known as the Manetti bros.

21:00 - CASSADAGA (UK Premiere)

90 mins   Director: Anthony DiBlasi   USA 2011

From Anthony DiBlasi, the writer/producer/director of the 2009 Film4 Frightfest attraction CLIVE BARKER’S DREAD, comes a uniquely twisted disturbing nightmare. Devastated by the death of her younger sister, deaf art teacher Lily Morel seeks solace at the Florida based spiritualist community of Cassadaga. But instead of finding closure, she contacts something else – the vengeful ghost of a murdered young woman. Part Southern Gothic horror, part giallo, this shocker gains enormous atmosphere from being located in the real Cassadaga known as ‘the Psychic Capital of the World’. Get ready for oppressive tension and terror in a slasher ghost story unlike any you’ve ever seen before.

23:15 – THE RAID  (UK Premiere)

100 mins   Director: Gareth Evans   Indonesia 2011

Director Gareth Evans reunites with his MERANTAU star Iko Uwais for this hi-octane skull-smashing adrenaline-pumping cult film of the year. Everyone in Djakarta knows that in the city’s poorest neignbourhood there is a 15-storey building that is a refuge for the most dangerous criminals in Indonesia. Despite all the inherent problems involved, an elite SWAT force led by hard-ass cop Rama tries to bring down its defences and penetrate its core. But the operation doesn’t go according to plan and the team, wind up trapped inside the labyrinth tenement block with no discernable way out – surrounded by Asia’s deadliest martial artists, kingpin gangsters, major drug barons and hardened killers.

For full programme & timetable log onto www.frightfest.co.uk

What do you think of this year’s line up? Unleash your comments below!

Personally I’m a little disappointed by the lack of British horror films, especially since The Raid sounds more like a gangster / crime thriller instead of a horror / fantasy / sci-fi flick. Naturally I blame David Cameron…

The rest of the line up looks awesome – as always – and I’m especially excited by TAPE 407 (a decent found-footage horror? Miracles await!) and WAR OF THE DEAD. Yeah, War of the Dead might be just “another zombie flick” but I love zombies and was instantly sold on this line “War of the Dead solely concentrates on delivering wave after wave of highly satisfying, action-packed, war punk cool living dead mayhem”. I have no idea what that actually means, but I want it. Now

If you’re convinced and desperate for a bit of Frightfest, then head here:

+44 (0)141 332 6535

box-office@glasgowfilm.org

And book your damn tickets now!

Whilst The Woman – another recent “kidnapped woman” horror – is a compelling, sadistic character study that claws at the depths of the human psyche, Rogue River is just sadistic, and incredibly poor because of it.

Mara (Michelle Page) returns to the River Rogue in Oregon in order to scatter her father’s ashes. As she’s about to pour daddy’s charred remains into the water, a man appears and informs her that “littering remains is frowned upon in these parts”, telling her she needs a permit to scatter ashes.

Oddly unfazed by this stranger, Mara accompanies him back to her car… which is missing! Oh no! So – insanely – she accepts a ride from this random stranger bloke. Is this a good idea? Of course not. It never is.

The stranger is Jon (Bill Moseley) and he invites Mara to stay the night with him and his sister Lea (Lucinda Jenney). Naturally the couple are completely nuts and – when Mara accidentally slices her hand on a plate – they hold her down and sew the wound up themselves! No doctors, no leaving, very odd behaviour.

There are some greatly disturbing moments in the first half of Rogue River – Mara wakes up to find Jon at the base of her bed, naked, holding her father’s ashes – but these creeping moments of horror are all packed into the beginning, where we witness a decent portrayal of the uncomfortably insane. Sadly, once the violence begins it spirals into cliché and aggravating predictability.

It is written to shock – “Let’s get you fucked” – and the creators pull out every horrible idea they can think of. Kidnap, torture, sexual assault, incest, boiling water down the throat, gaffa tape, leg bonds, guns, blood, violence and a great place to stuff your dad’s ashes. Yawn. See it done better a hundred times (not in real life. Honest guv’nor).

Rogue River is simply very poorly constructed, with far too many questions left dangling. Why didn’t Mara’s brother help her scatter their dad’s ashes? Why did the police not investigate the missing policeman? These are all important plot points and it seems Haskin and Finnerty ignored reality in favour of “film logic”, but it simply doesn’t work here.

Despite the story being awful, there are some genuinely good things about Rogue River. Jourdan McClure does a decent job of directing what is essentially torture porn, knocking out some superb imagery and creating tension where the script clearly had none.

Our actors also do a decent job with inflexible roles. They’re two-dimensional and awkwardly dull in places. Horror veteran Bill Moseley (Army of Darkness, Carnivàle, anything made by Rob Zombie) and Lucinda Jenney are disturbing throughout, always close to mania, and Michelle Page does a fine job as the beleaguered, beaten and shattered Mara. Sadly their talents are wasted here and they never peak into excellence.

Rogue River is pointlessly horrible and completely ineffective as a horror movie. Yes, it gradually gets more grotesque and twisted, but it’s strangely dull in its execution. This is the bastard child of I Spit on Your Grave and Mum & Dad, but without the character or purpose. There are hundreds of films like this, some worse, many better. Rogue River does not require your attention.

Rating: 3 out of 10 stars

This awesome news comes off the back of a new trailer – check it out here: A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE TRAILER

Looks stylish and nasty – just the way you like it.

Winner of the Best Screenplay (Simon Barrett), Best Actor (AJ Bowen) and Best Actress (Amy Seimetz) at the 2010 Fantastic Fest in Austin, Texas,  A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE is Adam Wingard’s third feature, after the promising debut Home Sick and the well-received Pop Skull.

Love, death, addiction and trauma are given a bloody, twisted blend in one of the most jagged and intense thrillers of the year. Bring it on.

A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE is being released on Blu Ray and DVD on 19th March 2012

Review to follow closer to the release date. Patience, people, patience…

Mike and Brent are dead. The zombie apocalypse has arrived and they’re victims of this shambling plague, turned into rotting, undead monsters. Strangely, though, they’re not Colin-clones – they’re coherent. They can speak. They can laugh. They can love.

Despite his death, Mike (Michael McKidd) has a mission: to travel across American and get back to the love of his life. He teams up with jackass slacker Brent (Ross Kidder) and a friendly – to them, anyway – zombie, who they name Cheese (Markus Taylor), all the time unaware that Mike is being hunted by a secretive government agency… with a link to his past!

It is a reasonable premise with potential for both comedy and intrigue, but tragically Deadheads never really finds its pace. Like the shambling masses of undead, Deadheads bumbles along from place to place, not really developing anything character-wise, and I think it’s this lack of direction that makes it hard to love.

Part slacker movie, part road movie, part zombie movie, part bromance – Deadheads never really has full focus on any of this. The zombie element is never developed or explained, the buddies don’t have enough conflict and the slacking stops the moment they decide to travel to find Mike’s old girlfriend.

It is perhaps the awkward comedy that stops this being a classic. Occasionally it’s very smart, sometimes slapstick genius and at others it’s Scary Movie awful. The fact Brent apparently joined the ranks of the undead during a failed autoerotic asphyxiation attempt speaks volumes…

The stand-out performance comes from the dialogue-less Cheese, which perhaps also says a lot about the level of comedy on display. Visually it’s very good, but the comedic lines often fall flat and fail to amuse, featuring some truly extreme characters (I’m looking at Benjamin Webster’s insane military moron “Mcdinkle” here). Markus Taylor is oddly lovable as undead lug Cheese and he’s – bizarrely – one of the more sympathetic characters!

You can tell that Deadheads creators Brett and Drew Pierce want people to say their film is “a future cult classic”, and although it does angle for that crowd, it’s a little too safe to cater for that marketplace. It might reference everything from The Goonies to Star Wars (surprise!) but this doesn’t make it cult, it makes it geeky. I have seen a lot of that recently – horror films begging to obtain cult status – but only time will tell if Deadheads manages that feat. My gut says no.

Deadheads is enjoyable and funny. It never reaches the heights of Shaun of the Dead but blows other zombie-comedies out of the water on sheer originality, surpassing the likes of Last of the Living and Boy Eats Girl with ease. Not hilarious, not genius, not terrible – basically, Deadheads is dead okay.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10 stars

A chance encounter with local serial killer “Tear-jerk Jack” leaves her with sliced hands and Prosopagnosia (or “face blindness”), a rare condition in which she cannot recognise people’s faces from moment- to-moment. This is especially inconvenient because she’s literally the only person in the world to have seen Tear-jerk Jack’s face… and she can’t remember faces anymore. Oh the irony!

Naturally this face blindness causes her private life to fall to pieces and Tear-jerk Jack to get very interested in her, so suddenly she’s confused, alone and being hunted by a serial killer who could literally look like anyone. Can she elude him? Can she survive? Will the police ever do their job properly in a horror movie?

Faces in the Crowd suffers from two major problems – leaps in logic and an obvious storyline. The film is absolutely packed with logic jumps. Having been attacked by a serial killer, Anna wakes up in hospital without a police guard! She sees doctor / specialist before the cops even decide to question her… by phoning her! She makes the front page of every newspaper, but again no one calls her for her story! No one in the media even tries to get an exclusive! Inexplicably people’s VOICES and BODY SHAPES also change, as well as their faces.

The police – like all badly-written thrillers – are once again incredibly incompetent. They set up an identity parade for a woman who can’t recognise faces! Reliable! They also have the DNA of the serial killer but his DNA is not on file, even though – SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER – the killer is a cop, so they DO HAVE his DNA on file! Did someone not look on the police database?! Sigh.

Perhaps these logic leaps seem so irritating because the story is so obvious. The premise is interesting – face blind woman is the only witness to a serial killer! – but it’s a premise that can only go one way, with only a finite amount of ideas / possibilities, and they happen as expected and at a slovenly pace. The identity of the killer is screamingly obvious, and symbolises the overall screaming obviousness of Faces in the Crowd. Nothing surprises.

If you’d like to play the blame game, then focus your annoyance at Julien Magnat, the writer / director of Faces in the Crowd. Bizarrely his previous writing work includes episodes of The Garfield Show and Iron Man: Armoured Adventures. His last major film project was 2002’s Bloody Mallory, which had this sterling plot: “Heroines Mallory, Vena Cava and Talking Tina fight the fallen angel Abaddon and his accomplices vampire Lady Valentine and succubus Morphine.” Despite his huge variety of work, Faces in the Crowd is sadly another piece of mediocre nothingness from Magnat. Perhaps next time Magnat will create something more engaging and compelling.

On a positive note, it’s nice to see Milla Jovovich in a movie where she doesn’t dive backwards in slow motion, firing two pistols. She actually acts. And like in A Perfect Getaway and The Fifth Element, she is excellent throughout. It’s just a shame the film isn’t.

Despite her enjoyable performance, even Jovovich’s character of Anna is horrendously unlikeable at times – when her boyfriend Bryce is unable to handle the face blindness and splits up with Anna, she shrugs it off and has sex with the lead investigator the next day! That may be the only surprising / shocking thing in Faces in the Crowd, even though it wasn’t supposed to be…!

Faces in the Crowd is a great idea drowned in the predictable. It is functional and interesting, but it is obvious where the film is going from the very beginning and takes a long time to get there. Milla Jovovich is great, but the film is not. Unless you’re easily fooled, I recommend skipping this one.

Rating: 4 out of 10 stars

The financially broken island of White Sands is in desperate need of money-making schemes, so when the Mayor’s idiot son returns and offers them a Spring Break festival, the townsfolk reluctantly agree.

Unfortunately for everyone, a festival isn’t the only new thing in White Sands. Sand sharks are!

What’s a sand shark? Well, I’ll let perma-tanned shark expert Doctor Sandy Powers explain – “It’s a predator that’s evolved to wear sand like a coat and travel through it like water.” Oh of course.

When the sharks threaten to destroy everything in White Sands, the local police team, doctor bimbo, the mayor’s son and one pathetic impression of Robert Shaw must team together to rid the sands of this horrific menace.

Sand Sharks is awful. For anyone who’s seen the recent swathe of monster-mash sea beast flicks, this is not much different. From Dinocroc to Megashark, the story is naff, the acting woeful and the CGI horrendous. For the most part, this is true of Sand Sharks, but it also has something the other films don’t – an open sense of humour.

The Asylum (creators of Transmorphers, Moby Dick, Megashark etc…) always seem to ignore humour in favour of creating what is, essentially, a shit rip-off of another film. The creators of Sand Sharks, however, knowingly homage, steal and parody their inspiration throughout – Jaws ­­­­– as well as a number of other films. One entire scene (the town meeting) is so obviously copyright infringement you’d probably have Spielberg fuming if it wasn’t so hilariously shameless!

Sand Sharks contains such “classic” lines as “We’re going to need a bigger beach”, “I love the smell of napalm in the afternoon” and the bimbo biologist even chucks out the ridiculous insult of “You sand of a bitch”. It is so bad it’s funny… as long as you’re clutching a beer.

Without the benefit of alcohol and friends, Sand Sharks is truly abysmal. There is some horrendous acting on display here, oddly mixed with some excellent, affable performances. Naturally the bad guys get all the best lines, with Corin Nemec’s Jimmy stealing every scene he’s in.

Then there’s the festival. The 1000s of teenagers are clearly about two dozen well spaced thirty year olds, wobbling by a sound stage and three crap tents. At this point the casting director should be shot or praised (depending on your point of view) for hiring a fat, topless, bearded extra in bright red shorts to run about in the background, because it makes a great drinking game. “Down a shot when you spot the teleporting fat bearded guy” – liver-damage awaits!

Sand Sharks also features quite literally the most fucking bat-shit ridiculous plan to kill anything, ever. Sod machine guns, sod the military or poison or – well, anything logical – their plan involves loud speakers, sand, electricity, a napalm gun and a raucous rendition of Row Row Row Your Boat. Completely insane, but oddly loveable because of it.

Sand Sharks pulls off what the majority of “giant monster” movies cannot – a self-knowing sense of humour that occasionally hits the mark. It’s absurd and it knows it, and although occasionally slipping into Scary Movie territory it’s more Larry Blamire than Wayans brothers.

Sand Sharks + friends + alcohol = winner. Don’t expect anything awesome, but do expect fun. Sand Sharks is lovably shit.

Rating: 4 out of 10 stars

Film in general saw another insane boost in comic book adaptations, with Captain America, Thor, Green Lantern, Green Hornet, X Men: First Class, Conan The Barbarian and Cowboys & Aliens (amongst others) hitting the big screen. 2011 was also another year where sequels dominated the box office, with the release of Cars 2, Kung-fu Panda 2, Hangover Part 2, Transformers 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Twilight 4, Scream 4, Fast & The Furious 5, Final Destination 5, Harry Potter 7 / 8 and PREQUELS of The Thing and Planet of the Apes.

What about HORROR? Well finding a superb horror film in 2011 was like swimming through fifty tonnes of shit to find a tiny diamond, but it was worth it. For every ten dull and predictable horror films there was one piece of genius originality. For those who trust our opinion, here’s our top 5 films from 2011 (in no particular order).

Sarah’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2011

• Attack the Block
• Hobo with a Shotgun
• Stake Land
• Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
• The Woman

Scullion’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2011

• Attack the Block
• The Dead
• Stake Land
• Troll Hunter
• The Woman

So officially Attack the Block, Stake Land and The Woman are the best films of 2011. If you haven’t watched them, buy them. Now.

Let us know what you think of our top 5’s by utilizing the revolutionary comments box facility below. Or – if you really disagree – send us a dead pigeon in a box. It’s the classic way to say “No. I disagree”.

Unfortunately not even Gorepress is perfect, and we didn’t manage to crawl into the cinema for every film, especially since some films appeared on one random screen in Clacton for three days before disappearing into the ether. The films Gorepress regrettably missed this year are:

And the one we really didn’t regret missing at all:

Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)

Unfortunately 2011 yielded a much larger crop of bollocks than 2010, with a plopping of mediocre nothingness from Season of the Witch, Red Riding Hood, Insidious, Drive Angry, The Rite and The Roommate. The DVD market might’ve held some true classics (like The Dead) but it also had the usual vomiting cack-badgery. So, onto the least-prestigious award of the year:

Worst Horror Movie of 2011

As usual, we found it much much easier to think of God-awful horror films than superb ones, and there was a battle at the bottom. On the naughty step this year was the straight-to-DVD mess Zombie Undead, which I often cite as the worst zombie film ever made, the laughable Vampire Boys, awful sequels to Mirrors and BloodRayne and – rather upsettingly – the Hammer horror film The Resident, which was just awful.

But there can be only one Worst Horror of 2011 and this is it:

Shark Night 3D

Damn you Jaws. Since Spielberg unleashed that superb horror on the world, hundreds of other “filmmakers” have attempt to homage, emulate, steal and borrow from this seminal classic. Shark Night 3D is just another horror-with-sharks that fails on every level.

Check out Scullion’s respect-filled review HERE

Shark Night 3D sits amongst Shark Attack 1 -3, Deep Blue Sea, Shark in Venice, Megashark vs Giant Octopus, Megashark vs Crocosaurus and Sharktopus as another shockingly crap shark horror movie. And it won’t stop. In 2012 we’ll be treated to the likes of Sand Sharks (Tremors meets Jaws!) and Two-Headed Shark Attack (made by The Asylum, featuring Carmen Electra. Sigh), so expect the “worst horror of 2012” to be dominated by psychotic CGI fish again.

So what does 2012 hold for us? According to the Mayans it’s our untimely deaths and according to Roland Emmerich it’s our untimely deaths unless you know John Cusack. Apart from the end of the world, we’ll be witnessing some (or all) of the following awesomenesses:

With these sequels:

And remakes of:

With unlikely appearances from:

From the list above it doesn’t appear 2012 is going to be a great year for horror, but it’s the little films that surprise, so perhaps flicks like John Dies at the End, The App Killer and Ninjas vs Monsters will provide the much needed quality we’re desperate for.

Considering NONE of this year’s top fives appeared as “forthcoming” movies in our 2010 eulogy, fingers crossed for some superb surprises not yet on the radar.

The 2012 movie with the “most potential to be fucking bonkers” is GINGERCLOWN 3D, which stars Tim Curry, Brad Dourif, Lance Henriksen and Sean Young as (respectively) Gingerclown, Worm Creature, Braineater and Nelly the Spiderwoman. The lack of Danny “fucking” Trejo is upsetting, but it’s still the most exciting film of 2012 so far… despite the TERRIBLE trailer. Check it out below:

We hope you all had a truly spectacular 2011, filled with untold horrors (in film, anyway) and absolutely no Shark Night 3D. Onward towards 2012!

HAPPY NEW YEAR from all at Gorepress! Stay awesome.

Tommy Leary (Will Denton) is having nightmares about a demonic figure. They’re snappy and ridiculous and ultimately very disturbing for him. This is more worrying because he’s been packed off to Camp Hope, a Bible camp for suburbanite children, where “sins of the flesh” is strictly forbidden (along with rock music, comic books, wanking and basically everything else a teenage boy needs in order to survive his adolescence).

Naturally everything does not run smoothly and after a lengthy introduction to the camp and its people, naughty Tommy goes for a dry hump jean-jizz in the woods with one of the girls and unleashes a demonic force on the camp. This might sound exciting. It’s not. The demonic force is simply very irritating and massively random.

Possibly preachy, possibly anti-religious, possibly the most boring film I’ve watched all year, Camp Hell finishes of the 2011 horror calendar with a pathetic wet slap rather than a huge bang.

One of the main problems with Camp Hell is how it’s a giant sack of lying filth. IMDB claims it was made in 2010, but the Camp Hope banner and T-Shirt suggest it was actually 2007. Released almost 5 years after it was made? That’s a good sign! But that’s because the likes of Connor Paolo and Jesse Eisenberg are actually more well known now. Ah yes… the curious case of Jesse Eisenberg. Check out the posters below:

If you’re thinking “Hey, wow, Jess Eisenberg’s in it! The guy from Zombieland and Oscar-winning The Social Network! Awesome!” then prepare to be severely disappointed (as well as bored). Eisenberg is in Camp Hell for less than six minutes in two scenes, both of which feel superfluous and don’t affect our main character.

It is shameless stuff and the DVD cover is so incredibly misleading that Eisenberg is actually suing Lionsgate Entertainment for three million dollars! Apparently he was paid three thousand dollars – a fee significantly lower than his usual appearance fee, poor him – and was therefore rightfully surprised to find his face splattered over all the marketing material. Eisenberg fans should avoid Camp Hell. Wait, I mean film fans should avoid Camp Hell.

So what are the plus points for Camp Hell? Connor Paolo of Stake Land fame is superb, playing the roguish Jack, whilst Oscar-nominee Bruce Davison gives a reserved but otherwise excellent performance as Father Phineas McAllister. In fact, all the actors give decent performances, it’s just they have absolutely nothing compelling to work with.

The fault of Camp Hell lies directly on George VanBuskirk’s shoulders. The writer / director based this film on true events and then filmed it like a cripplingly dull documentary. There are moments of intrigue and surprise violence, but otherwise it’s a long trudge through boredom city, destination: nowhere.

Camp Hell is dullness heaped on lies. I might join Jesse Eisenberg in suing Lionsgate Entertainment, but not because they’re stealing my face for advertising purposes, but because they stole some of my life and I want it back. Avoid this unless you’re an insomniac looking for an instant cure. Camp Hell is not worth your time.

Rating: 3 out of 10 stars

Eight months after a disastrous job in Kiev left him physically and mentally scarred, ex-soldier turned contract killer, Jay (Neil Maskell – Rise of the Footsoldier), is pressured by his partner, Gal (Michael Smiley – Down Terrace), and wife Shel (Myanna Buring – The Descent), into taking a new assignment. As they descend into the dark and disturbing world of the contract, Jay beings to unravel once again – his fear and paranoia sending him deep into the heart of darkness.

To be in with a chance of winning, just answer this question: Kill List star Neil Maskell starred alongside Danny Dyer in which iconic football hooligan film?

a)     Green Street

b)     The Football Factory

c)     The Firm

Answer using the contact form below, only one entry per person will be counted. Competition closes on 02/01/12. Good luck!

KILL LIST is on DVD and Blu-ray 26^th December 2011.

So… a prequel.

Here’s the shocker – it’s not terrible. It’s far from awesome, but it’s not the abysmal hunk of aggravated turd I had expected it to be.

Set a few days before Kurt Russell killed his chess computer (with whisky) this story is an origins one, not for The Thing itself, but for the Norwegian camp briefly seen in the original.

Three Norwegians hunting a lone distress signal somewhere in Antarctica are surprised when they fall into a glacial ravine… and find a crashed spacecraft. The first thing they do is call for all-American girl and super-biologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) to help out the gruff and beardy Norwegians.

Within minutes of her arrival they take her to a second discovery – the corpse of the spacecraft’s pilot. Digging up the weird beasty, they take the ice-encased monster to their lab… and then have a party. Needless to say the “thing” in the ice isn’t quite as dead as the scientists thought and soon it’s loose, squiggly and really huggy.

For those who haven’t seen John Carpenter’s The Thing I won’t spoil the surprise, but this alien being isn’t just a mass of wibbly bits and claws… it’s the ultimate predator on an extinction level scale.

What’s right with The Thing 2011? Well it sticks closely to the original, ensuring Thing obsessives like myself can tick off the references (although some things are missing / just plain fucking wrong).

Marco Beltrami’s score is very evocative, mainly because it steals liberally from / lovingly homages Ennio Morricone’s soundtrack from the original. The cast also do a reasonable job, although none of them have anywhere near the charm of Kurt Russell and Keith David.

Also, surprisingly, The Thing 2011 is genuinely tense at times, scary as hell at others and – in places – actually very sickening. A detached hand inserting itself into someone’s mouth will always be horrible, even if it is CGI…

Ah yes. The CGI. Time for the negatives!

The original was brilliant for a number of reasons, but a major one was Rob Bottin (and friends)’s special effects. Lacking decent CGI meant actual craft went into making physical monsters that moved, crawled, attacked, whipped, wiggled and caught fire. It was believable and more disturbing because of this. The effects work is still superb today, standing the test of time where so many others have failed.

I remember the creators of The Thing 2011 emphasizing how important the practical effects were and that they’d used them liberally, but the only time they actually applied them was on the corpses, lying about on the floor or workbenches. Considering the woeful Shark Night 3D used more animatronics than The Thing 2011 does certainly say a lot about their mentality.

What the overuse of CGI meant was a lack of subtlety. The Thing was not always subtle (defibrillator scene, the dog kennel etc…) but it was never as brazen as the prequel. It was about tension, not screaming monsters exploding through ceilings.

Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.’s direction is far too bright and slasher-flick like, and it lacks the necessary claustrophobia needed to emulate the original’s tension and desperation.

Every other minute a man’s face would split in half or CGI tentacles would Urotsukidōji itself around the screen, slapping people with CGI blood. The prequel is the aggressive bastard child of The Thing 1982 – all noise and violence and modern technology and none of the nuanced intelligence of the original.

Unfortunately, not only are the “creatures” computer generated, the actual CGI itself is pretty dismal in places. Opting for in-yer-face violence means you see everything, and it’s pretty rubbish at times. The helicopter scene is especially bad (I actually laughed, which is never a good sign) and some of it reminded me of – dare I say it – Resident Evil: Afterlife. *shudder*

Let’s be realistic, though. It’s not all about CGI, but about character and plot too.

Tragically the characters just don’t matter. There are so many and they’re mostly fodder. This is undoubtedly the fault of screenwriter Eric Heisserer, who is responsible for writing Final Destination 5 and the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. His career appears to be the poaching of other people’s genius, and his latest is distinctly unspectacular.

Heisserer simply cannot write characters you care about. There is an absolute lack of sympathy / empathy with anyone in The Thing 2011, and this was compounded by the epilogue that plays out during the end credits, which shows the fate of two characters you’d literally forgotten about! Although a required and slyly crafted ending, it proved without a doubt that the characters we’re utterly forgettable.

Talking of endings… oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. There was one unanswered question from the original that was also unasked – “what’s INSIDE the spaceship?” Well, according to Heisserer and van Heijningen Jr., apparently the alien ship is full of cliché and confusion. Sadly this ridiculous ending is absolutely absurd and upends the tone entirely. Unnecessary and – quite frankly – fucking awful, it is infuriatingly bad.

Overall The Thing 2011 is a needless but reasonable prequel, which thankfully doesn’t 100% rape the memory of the original. It is disturbing, brutal, scary and exciting… but also confused, ugly, packed with unsympathetic characters and coated in a layer of shoddy CGI. The Thing 2011 is not as angering as I’d expected, but that’s not really a recommendation.

Conclusion: see the original.

So, is there any chance of a sequel to the prequel? Well there was mention of a “Russian base” 50 miles away, so we’ll see if the box office allows for one. Let’s bloody hope not.

Rating: 6 out of 10 stars

Inkubus

Shot in just 15 days, director / writer Glenn Ciano has gone on record as saying he wanted the film to be a “nuts and guts” throw-back to the 80’s genre film.

What’s it about?!

A ghastly beheading calls Detective Caretti (Joey Fatone) back to Woodhaven police station, where the skeleton crew find themselves in for a long and deadly night as the demon Inkubus (Robert Englund) returns. With a murderous legacy dating back to the middle-ages, Inkubus is on a mission of vengeance and will do anything to kill his old adversary Detective Gil Diamante (William Forsythe).

Englund, Forsythe, buckets of blood and at an inoffensive 77 minutes running time, Inkubus looks like a winner. Review to follow.

Inkubus is a Woodhaven Production, produced by Chad A. Verdi & Michael Corrente, written by Glenn Ciano & Carl V. Dupre and directed by Glenn Ciano.

INKUBUS will be released by Trinity X on DVD in the UK on Monday 6^th February 2012.

Voices in your head. We all have them, but hopefully it’s just your own voice, wondering if you’d left the oven on or if Mark from finance really did sleep with the receptionist. Sometimes you might wonder if you could kill your boss and get away with it. The answer is no.

Whatever the case, these voices are never particularly dangerous… until now. FAMILIAR sees a man driven to carry out despicable and selfish deeds, thanks for the voice in his head. Is he insane or is it something so much worse?

As his moral consciousness fights this “inner thought” it becomes clear he’s dealing with something seriously abnormal, as the “voice” gradually appears as a lumpy, cancerous mass beneath his skin… and begins to spread.

Check out the TEASER TRAILER here

FAMILIAR is written & directed by Richard Powell and produced by Zach Green.

Cinematography & Co Producer Michael Jari Davidson shot on RED Digital Cinema. Special FX provided by Ryan Louagie, Carlos Henriques & Steven Dawley (The Butcher Shop). Music & Sound Design by Bernie Greenspoon.

For more information on this unique, disturbing and bizarre horror short, check out these links below:

www.fatalpictures.com

www.fatalpictures.blogspot.com

www.twitter.com/fatalpictures

Bikini Girls on Ice has played in over 20 film festivals worldwide and has since found distribution all over the world including North America, Scandinavia, Australia, India, Japan, Germany and somewhere called “Great Britain”. So good, they’ve gone and made another one!

Welcome to PIN-UP DOLLS ON ICE!

The Pinup Dolls are a hot retro act who put the tease back in striptease. But when an old friend (Suzi Lorraine) hires them to put on a show at a secluded campground, the girls find themselves being stalked by a homicidal maniac with a sick obsession with ice.

As they’re hunted one-by-one, they soon realize they’ll have to rely on more than just their looks to survive this nightmare named Moe (William Jarand).

PINUP DOLLS ON ICE is directed by Geoff Klein and shooting wrapped on October 16th in Lancaster (Canada, not in the North of England).

Release date? Patience! Sometime in 2012. You’ll have to repeatedly watch Bikini Girls on Ice until then – available on DVD now.

Furlong shot to fame in 1991 for his role in Terminator 2: Judgement day as John Connor. Along with Terminator 2 Furlong is best known for his roles in American History X and Pecker. He’s also no stranger to horror as Furlong has starred in Pet Cemetery 2, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Dark Reel, The Visitation, The Covenant: Brotherhood of Evil and the remake of Night of the Demons!

Furlong will be taking on the role of Samual Peters (The Zombie King himself!) alongside Feldman, who will be Kalfu the God of Malevolence, naturally.

The Zombie King is a film set to be packed with comedy, action, nail-biting tension and – awesomely enough – Feldman and Furlong! Could be epic.

For more information on The Zombie King head here: http://www.facebook.com/TheZombieKingUk

THE ZOMBIE KING begins filming this month and will be released next year.

Bong of the Dead is the story of two wasters, pot-smoking their way through the zombie apocalypse. Pot curator Edwin (Mark Wynn) has made a startling scientific breakthrough, much to best-friend Tommy’s (Jy Harris) amazement -

“You’ve discovered ourselves some kind of fucked up zombie fertilizer… for growing fucking killer weed!!”

- Yep. By removing a zombie’s brain, drying it out and mixing the powdery residue with H2O, Edwin has created a super-fast liquid fertilizer that makes cannabis plants grow in a matter of SECONDS. Winner!

Sadly for Edwin and Tommy, however, they’re fresh out of cannabis and fresh out of zombie juice. Their only option is to head into one of the government-cordoned “Danger Zones” in order to find more zombie braaaaains. Ironic, huh?

Edwin is sceptical “We could die!”

Tommy checks reality “Yeah, and we could die if we don’t get any more weed.”

Well obviously. So the two stoners trek outside of their flat and into the most dangerous place in the world, in the hope they can capture, kill and steal enough zombie brains to keep them high forever. It’s a barmy concept, and – again – only sellable if you’re a little intoxicated yourself. It’s not one for Grandma, unless she’s a junkie or absolutely mental.

So is it any good? Bong of the Dead is difficult to digest. Clearly made with lots of love and one giant spliff jammed firmly in the gob, this is the budget equivalent of George A. Romero’s “Dude, Where’s My Car” with Jay and Silent Bob, and is certainly a lot of fun and thoroughly enjoyable. With a character list including Robot Zombie, Vagina Face and Lesbian Zombie, there is little to be taken seriously, with no discernible message, themes or clear goals even remotely poking their heads out of the smoke-addled plot. It’s hugely stupid, but very hard to dislike – if you’re in the right mood, this is an absolute laugh-riot.

There are, however, a number of genuine faults. The dialogue has clearly been added in post production, and although it’s mostly in-sync, it just sounds wrong. It’s difficult to complain about considering Bong of the Dead was filmed with one camera, no sound and edited on a Mac Book Pro in creator Thomas Newman’s basement. A little sound awkwardness is probably irrelevant if you’re actually enjoying this film, but it’s worth noting…

The film also sags significantly in the middle, when a whole host of scenes surrounding a zombie-powered outdoor shower fall flat and are simply far less important than the characters make them out to be. Even for the most patient of viewers, this section might be a little tiresome.

Despite the occasional blip in interest, the best scenes are yet to come, especially once Edwin and Tommy have teamed up with kick-ass mechanic Leah (Simone Bailly) and built a zombie-killing truck complete with lawn-mowers and one randomly acquired gatling gun (where did that come from?!). Blood, torn limbs, CGI head explosions, blood, guts, more blood and one evil-looking zombie baby; the last twenty minutes are insane and gleefully gory.

Clearly made on a tight budget with perhaps too much reliance on CGI blood effects, this is not Hollywood glossy, so those who have a snobbish view on low-budget best avoid it. I have seen a worryingly large number of low-budget zombie films, but this is probably the best, and apparently made for a measly $5000. Most Hollywood films spend more than that on catering…

So who made this? Creator Thomas Newman cites himself as director, writer, composer, cinematographer, art director, foley talent, digital compositor, title sequence animator, camera operator, animation director, on-line editor and is also the voice of a TV & radio presenter. For a film made by one man and an army of friends and family, Bong of the Dead is excellent. Despite the film’s faults, Thomas Newman should be bloody proud.

Rating: 6 out of 10 stars

Not since Lesbian Vampire Killers has there been a British horror film with quite such an evocative title; STRIPPERS VS WEREWOLVES. So what’s it about? I’m guessing strippers probably have a bit of scrap with some lycanthropes… but there’s more! Probably.

Check out the FIRST trailer for this crazy mash-up below and decide for yourselves:

Explosions, gangsters, guns, blood, boobs and werewolves – if these are a few of your favourite things, then you’re probably in for a bloody treat.

Strippers Vs Werewolves stars Robert Englund (yep, Freddy Krueger himself), Billy Murray, Martin Kemp, Ali Bastain , Adele Silva, Barbara Nedeljakova and Steven Berkoff.

Release date? Currently unknown. Rumours of Winter 2011 have been contradicted recently by “2012”, but whatever the case the “nude women versus hairy bastards” is coming to the UK soon, so be prepared…

Cannibal certainly has an original concept at its core and it keeps you intrigued and guessing throughout, mostly thanks to Helena Coppejans’s captivating and disturbing performance as cannibal Bianca. She seamlessly mixes alluring and dangerous, and her untrustworthy eyes flood the screen with dark suggestion.

Being a people-shy agoraphobic means Max is incredibly poor at relating to others, but you begin to realise exactly where this fear comes from when his shady past is gradually revealed, and how his colourful woodland house is eons away from the gritty horror that is the city he once called home. Pimps, gangsters, scum, whores and gun-runners litter the streets and Max must trudge back into that world to save Bianca… with horrifyingly violent consequences.

Benjamin Viré’s direction is always interesting, and as the film progresses it gradually gets grittier and nastier as we follow Max on his horrible journey back into a world he had long left behind. There are some bizarre artistic choices on offer here too; when Bianca is kidnapped the film turns black n’ white, as if the new-found colour in Max’s world has disappeared with her. It’s a strange choice, unexpected, but ultimately a thought-provoking one that works fantastically well.

Viré’s script is also excellent, the dialogue sharp and the story constantly surprising. It is an incredibly intimate piece for a film with such an in-yer-face title. Viré should be very proud of Cannibal – as a debut feature it’s exceptional.

The major overriding issue with Cannibal is the character of Max. Although brilliantly played by Nicolas Gob, Max is a strange man with a real fear of intimacy and poor communication skills, so he’s genuinely difficult to empathise with. Once he helps Bianca kill strangers, he also becomes hard to sympathize with. It doesn’t make the film less captivating, but it makes you care less about his journey and their fate. It is a tale of abnormal and horrifying love; enjoyable but not as moving as it could’ve – and perhaps should’ve – been.

Overall Cannibal is artistically excellent, very well acted and utterly watchable. Let down by some hard-to-like characterisations, it is still a superb debut from French filmmaker Benjamin Viré and definitely worth watching.

Rating: 7 out of 10 stars

It is a relatively simple tale, but one that is fantastically well executed. The direction, acting, score and script are gritty, serious and believable. Once the violence begins, it’s a thrilling cat n’ mouse chase that is brutal, bloody and incredibly tense. Director and co-writer Cosimo Alemà does not glorify the horror, but focuses instead on the characters and their own battles, physical and emotional.

Neil Linpow and Daniel Vivian are especially noteworthy as good guy Rico and not-so-good guy Vinnie, excelling in every scene. Sadly the film is slightly let down by Stephanie Chapman-Baker, whose range of emotions does not quite fit the taxing role of Monica’s doting sister Lara. It certainly does not ruin the film, but when she picks up a rifle and goes all Ripley on us, it’s simply not convincing.

A minor issue some may find is that Lutz Michael’s “Uncle” is very difficult to understand, with a rough, undetermined accent and you may miss half of what he has to say. I put on the subtitles when we first meet him, because I literally understood only the word “Flamingo” and that really made no sense in the context of the scene… This is a shame, really, considering Michael gives an otherwise excellent performance.

War Games shows how films of this ilk should be made. In 2009 a film called Paintball was released and it was a giant mess (see our review here) failing miserably to capitalize on the drama behind the situation by forcing American accents on a European cast and adding a needless twist. War Games uses the accents of the actors and is entirely twist free, and it benefits hugely from doing so.

With some excellent acting, solid direction and a genuinely great ending, War Games is definitely worth watching. It may move no boundaries or offers few surprises, but for a straight-laced, dramatic horror-thriller it is a superb piece of work.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10 stars

It is Sadie’s (Christina De Vallee) birthday and she’s pregnant. Rick (David Paisley) is taking her on a trip to the island of Amen, where a tiny community of serious weirdoes live. Coming along for the ride is their excitable friend Danny (Jonathan Keane), whose presence on this little trip is never really explained… until he starts fucking Rick, that is…

It takes nearly forty minutes for the storyline to actually kick in, and you finally understand why Sadie has come to the island; there is a twisted plot involving her finding her long-lost sister and the secret behind her recurring drowning nightmares. Some secrets, however, are better left buried, and Sadie soon finds out why her dead mother was desperate to get her off the island… and why she should’ve never come back.

Unhappy Birthday certainly has atmosphere, partially because of Mark Harriott and Mike Matthews’ solid directing, which lingers menacingly on everyday objects, giving them a sickly sense of threat. This is hugely bolstered by Lin Sangster’s excellent sound work. Sangster’s grating, disturbing score deliberately unsettles and distracts, ensuring you’re constantly unnerved by the quiet foreboding hidden in every shot.

What Unhappy Birthday has in atmosphere, it completely lacks in character. Despite offering decent performances from all involved, the characters are all ridiculous and unsympathetic and you’re more likely to relate to the crazy islanders than the trio of sex-mad, craven scumbags. The “outsiders” behaviour towards others is abhorrent and their treatment of their kindly host is absolutely disgusting, especially considering Corrine (Jill Riddiford) is Sadie’s long lost sister! Corinne tells Sadie their mother was an island outcast because “She put her carnal love before the word of God”, so Sadie decides to have a threesome in the house! I mean, couldn’t it have waited? All three of them deserve to die and it sadly makes for tiresome watching.

Unhappy Birthday is certainly unique and is pock-marked with decent scenes – from an in-car fumigation to every scene featuring Jill Riddiford (she is exceptional throughout), but the decent direction, great score and occasional moment of genius cannot make up for Unhappy Birthday’s failings. Unhappy Birthday is not awful, but it’s also not worth watching.

Rating: 4 out of 10 stars

In the Netherlands December 5^th is a special day. Sinterklaas and his army of Zwart Pieten (or black Peters, as they’re tastefully known) descend on people’s homes to deliver gifts, joy, music and happiness, as another variation of Coca Cola’s jolly Santa Claus. Unknown to many, however, the tale of St Nick is not so jolly.

According to Saint creator Dick Maas, Saint Niklas was an evil 15^th Century rogue Bishop who killed families and kidnapped children, ransacking villages with his cruel band of pirates called “Peters”. Eventually caught and burned alive on his galleon, many believed him to be dead, but evil never stays buried forever. Every 32 (or so) years he returns on December 5^th to wreck havoc on the residents of Amsterdam, bringing with him his black and charred Peters to unleash orc-ish hell. And in Saint, that night is tonight.

Sound insane? The premise is pretty bonkers, and due to a cultural misunderstanding, many other countries may be confused by the whole “December 5^th / emaciated Santa on a horse / slightly racist black peters” thing…

The main problem with Saint is the characterisation. Who is our protagonist? We originally follow teenager Lisa (Caro Lenssen) and her secret boyfriend Frank (Egbert Jan Weeber), but then we also skip to disgraced police detective Goert (Bert Luppes), whose wild belief that a ghostly St Nick murdered his entire family thirty years ago is seriously affecting his job. There are huge swathes of the film when each one of these characters just disappears – it’s disconcerting and makes it difficult to emotionally invest yourself in anything.

The plot, therefore, is difficult to describe. Basically the mad police detective gets to yell “I told you so!” very loudly as the psychotic, charred ghost of Saint Niklas wreaks havoc on Amsterdam, murdering the residents, kidnapping the children and racing across the rooftops on a burned-up undead horse. The not-so-crazy-anymore detective must stop him before he destroys the entire city… but how do you stop a ghostly psycho bishop from hell? Not easily, that’s how.

Saint is visually exciting and there is always something going on, even if you don’t quite understand it. Director Dick Maas proves he has a fantastic flare for visuals, with a stunning rooftop chase scene (check out the link below), some disturbing scenes in a children’s hospital and many other instances of dread and wonder in the streets of Amsterdam; dark, misty, foreboding and demented – Dick Maas proves he is a great director.

Tragically Dick Maas’s directing abilities are not matched by his writing skills. As mentioned above the plotting is awkward and the characterisations weak, but the script is also tonally awkward. Maas’s humour ranges from being exceedingly dark to lightly comic, but never quite sits right. Is it a comedy? Is it a horror? Whatever it is, it’s bizarre, but so lovingly created you can probably forgive it for its faults.

Overall Saint is a strange little Christmas horror. Awkwardly written but exceptionally well directed, Dick Maas has created a memorable black comedy horror that is enjoyable and compelling, but not quite right. Saint is a missed opportunity to make a classic.

Check out the Rooftop Chase scene here

Check out Scullion’s interview with Dick Maas here

Rating: 6 out of 10 stars