2013 – A Eulogy

It’s been a year of ups and downs, both for horror in general, and for the little bubble of Gorepress. We took on some new writers, we bid farewell to some other writers, we continued to provide our own brand of acerbic commentary in the form of a revamped Gorecast,  some of us even enjoyed success behind the camera and, collectively, we watched a metric butt-tonne of movies.

As usual, the remakes and franchise cash-cows appeared to dominate but surprisingly, some were actually pretty great. For every bland retelling of Carrie, there was a bloodied up Evil Dead waiting to surprise us, and as we predicted at the tail end of last year, Maniac was universally loved at GP heights, despite fears to the contrary.

As has become customary we’re here to provide you with our lists of the Top 5 horror movies of 2013, along with the winner (loser?) of the now infamous Gorepress’ Turd Scooping Wooden Spoon Award for most brain-scratchingly bad movie of the year. Get your party blowers at the ready, don your finery and sit back for a rundown of what’s been great and what’s been not-so great in our World to see in 2014.

Boston’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2013

  • You’re Next
  • Curse Of Chucky
  • Maniac
  • Would You Rather
  • No-One Lives

Sarah’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2013

  • Cheap Thrills
  • You’re Next
  • Maniac
  • We Are What We Are
  • The Last Will & Testament Of Rosalind Leigh

Ben’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2013

  • Evil Dead
  • We Are What We Are
  • Killer Toon
  • Bad Milo
  • The Conjuring

Justifiably, You’re Next, Evil Dead and Maniac were the films that seemed to unite our writers and this safely marks a new precedent for remakes in the future. While the remakes in question might not outdo their inspiration, they certainly came from an angle of originality and fresh perspective. Honourable mentions definitely go to Mama, V/H/S/2 and Willow Creek who all just narrowly missed inclusion on our lists.

Worst Movie of 2012

Sadly, our list would not be complete without awarding one lucky film with Mr Haverhill’s Turd Scooping Wooden Spoon Award. While we fully acknowledge that getting a film made at all is no mean feat and should be applauded, we also acknowledge that putting a film out into the public consciousness makes you susceptible to criticism and some films are just so bad that we feel it’s our duty to warn the audience at large. ‘A’ for effort, ‘F-’ for the piss-takingly awful results, so to speak. So, without further ado, the film we most hated in 2013 was…..no, surprisingly not the missed opportunity, historical-inaccuracy-fest that was Frankenstein’s Army, but rather female driven horror Black Rock.

Written and directed by husband and wife team Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton, Black Rock was a stark warning for filmmakers who wanted to wade outside their comfort zone with seemingly zero knowledge of the genre they wanted to conquer. Black Rock made us scream at our screens like nothing else this year and featured characters that made the worst decisions on film since the first time an actor muttered the immortal line “let’s split up”. It set the women’s movement back to approximately 1962 and gave our reviewers collective migraines that made them wish they could rewind time and make a better decision themselves. Here’s hoping the otherwise talented Duplass-Aseltons stick to making funny, and not polluting the survival horror sub-genre again.

On a slightly more positive note, 2014 sees the continuation of the bloated Paranormal Activity franchise with the action shifting to new locations. It also marks the releases of the much anticipated Devil’s Due, Banshee Chapter, All Cheerleaders Die and Patrick. While we’re kind of hoping that the PA franchise finds itself a nice hole to crawl into, perhaps alongside Saw in the “Movie Series That Outstayed Their Welcome” graveyard, just off of “2005 Wants Its Found Footage Gimmick Back” Highway, our hopes are high for the mixture of original and remake fare that are on our radar so far. Let’s all raise a glass to 2013 and look forward to the future of horror. Here’s to 2014!

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