2012 – A Eulogy

People of Gorepress, I stand before you as a man of the future. I have seen the ravaged plains of 2013 and it’s not pretty. The Mayans got their calculations wrong by a few weeks, we’re all going tits up in the first week of February.

2012 was the final full year of human civilisation, join me as we take a trip through some of its high points and low points.

Okay, the world doesn’t really end in February. Well, I have no idea if it will or not. It could. It probably won’t. Either way, 2012 was another year of multiplexes being lit up by big budget comic book adaptations. It might not have been the best year for originality though, with eight of the ten highest grossing movies across the globe being based on popular comic or book properties. The other two were sequels to animated animal flicks. In fact, only two of Box Office Mojo‘s top 20 money makers were based on original ideas. Great job, general public. Another nail in the coffin of originality in the pictures? Very possibly.

That’s not to say some of these films weren’t great. The major tussle for box office dominance was perpetrated by two titans of geek; Marvel’s Avengers Assemble and The Dark Knight Rises. The geeks have inherited the media, it seems. Well done, geeks.

2012 was a banner year at Gorepress Heights. We celebrated making a profit on the website (enough to pay for two more years of hosting, no less!), the Gorecast came back with a vengeance, and we galvanised our team with new writers and fresh voices in addition to the old favourites.

Over in the world of horror, it’s been a mixed bag. Yet another Paranormal Activity graced the silver screens, and generally people were quite surprised how good it was. I’m not convinced, but that’s not going to stop the Powers That Be from crouching down and squirting another one out on a yearly basis. The Woman in Black united horror and mainstream audiences, while also starring Harry Potter and harking back to a time when horror was altogether spookier. There are a million more, I’ll get to them in time. First, the lists!

Boston’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2012

Sarah’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2012

Phil’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2012

Jamie’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2012

I think it’s pretty clear that Cabin in the Woods is this year’s unifying horror flick, with Detention coming in a close second. Does this mean that we at Gorepress prefer our horror with a wry smile, a pinch of self deprecating and a whole heap of self-awareness? I think it might mean that. It could just mean those were the best films. I’m sure philosophers of the future will ponder that very question. Maybe one will fight the other. We can only hope.

Other notable horror titles that hit screens both big and small in 2012 include:

Paranorman – Wonderfully realised love letter to classic zombie horror mixed in with Amblin-esque sensibilities.

Some Guy Who Kills People – Quirky horror japes with rounded performances.

Grave Encounters 2 – A sequel to the found footager that goes deeper, darker, and dumber.

The Raid – Indonesia actioner with a video game feel.

Storage 24 – Brit-horror with with bags of edge and grue.

Dark Shadows – A film in which Johnny Depp plays a spooky misfit. Also starring Helena Bonham Carter. Guess the director.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – The president kills vampires. Or at least hunts them. I’m not sure, I haven’t seen it.

Prometheus – Ridley Scott’s return to sci-fi and the Alien franchise. It was all a bit bloated and shit, wasn’t it?

Sinister – An effective chiller with some good jump scares, marred by a convoluted, lackluster ending. (Sarah wrote this. Thanks!)

Attack of the Werewolves – Furry horror comedy with a heavy Landis influence.

Worst Movie of 2012

“Jamie, what about the worst films of the year?!”, I hear you cry. Don’t worry, I’ve not forgotten. Mr. Haverhill’s coveted Turd-Scooping Wooden Spoon will be given to one lucky movie. There was much discussion around Gorepress Heights as to which film could clutch this lofty honour to its cinematic bosom. The Innkeepers was one suggestion, Strippers vs Werewolves was another. The Thompsons got some serious discussion, as did Chernobyl Diaries. Ultimately, because it’s my fingers whacking this whole business together, it’s my decision. Not one I took lightly, I assure you. There is a long tradition of the spoon going to aquatic killers, and this year could very well have gone the same way with the gnashing fatigue of Piranha 3DD.

The winner of the Gorepress Worst Movie 2012 goes to The Dinosaur Project. The prize is primarily for its unabashed shitness in the face of such a brilliant idea. Found footage, lost dinosaur world in Central America, exploding helicopters. It could have done it all. But it didn’t. It sucked. Hard.

The Future

What does 2013 hold for us gore lovers and horror addicts? An increase in originality? More of the same? Let’s take a look.

Leftovers from last year:
John Dies at the End is due out here in March
Knights of Badassdom sits in a vault somewhere and might never get released. I’m gutted.
World War Z gets its release in June.

Potential awesomeness:
Three Nights of Halloween
The Green Inferno
Cabin Fever: Patient Zero –
I might be the only person stoked about this, but stoked I am.
ABCs of Death
I, Frankenstein
Heart Land
John Carpenter’s Darkchylde
The Conjuring
Silent Night of the Living Dead

Paranormal Activity 5 (obviously)
Hatchet III
The Return of the Killer Klowns from Outer Space in 3D
The Last Exorcism Part II
Scary Movie 5
Insidious 2
Curse of Chucky
Jeepers Creepers 3: Cathedral
The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence

Evil Dead
Leprechaun: Origins
Texas Chainsaw 3D

2013 looks to be a messy year, with one of those remakes already getting bad reviews from the critics – I’m not going to name names, but let’s just say it is the one that couldn’t be bothered to use the whole title. On the opposite side of the coin, a different remake is getting buckets of great press, and it was the one I was most horrified about when it was announced. Kudos, Maniac. You done good.

The future is unwritten, and we can only hope that new and exciting flicks make their way out in addition to some of the more yawn-inducing titles above. A Leprechaun prequel?! Really?! Is that where we are now?

Um, happy new year. I guess.

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