2011 – A Eulogy

12 months, 365 days, too many minutes to count… where has 2011 gone? In movie-land it’s been a significantly mixed bag, with many of the superb movies having limited cinema releases or being straight-to-DVD, whilst the multiplexes have been bulging with absolute shitebags. No change there.

Film in general saw another insane boost in comic book adaptations, with Captain America, Thor, Green Lantern, Green Hornet, X Men: First Class, Conan The Barbarian and Cowboys & Aliens (amongst others) hitting the big screen. 2011 was also another year where sequels dominated the box office, with the release of Cars 2, Kung-fu Panda 2, Hangover Part 2, Transformers 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Twilight 4, Scream 4, Fast & The Furious 5, Final Destination 5, Harry Potter 7 / 8 and PREQUELS of The Thing and Planet of the Apes.

What about HORROR? Well finding a superb horror film in 2011 was like swimming through fifty tonnes of shit to find a tiny diamond, but it was worth it. For every ten dull and predictable horror films there was one piece of genius originality. For those who trust our opinion, here’s our top 5 films from 2011 (in no particular order).

Sarah’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2011

Boston’s Top 5 Horror Movies of 2011

So officially Attack the Block, Stake Land and The Woman are the best films of 2011. If you haven’t watched them, buy them. Now.

Let us know what you think of our top 5’s by utilizing the revolutionary comments box facility below. Or – if you really disagree – send us a dead pigeon in a box. It’s the classic way to say “No. I disagree”.

Unfortunately not even Gorepress is perfect, and we didn’t manage to crawl into the cinema for every film, especially since some films appeared on one random screen in Clacton for three days before disappearing into the ether. The films Gorepress regrettably missed this year are:

  • The Awakening
  • Red State
  • And the one we really didn’t regret missing at all:

    Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)

    Unfortunately 2011 yielded a much larger crop of bollocks than 2010, with a plopping of mediocre nothingness from Season of the Witch, Red Riding Hood, Insidious, Drive Angry, The Rite and The Roommate. The DVD market might’ve held some true classics (like The Dead) but it also had the usual vomiting cack-badgery. So, onto the least-prestigious award of the year:

    Worst Horror Movie of 2011

    As usual, we found it much much easier to think of God-awful horror films than superb ones, and there was a battle at the bottom. On the naughty step this year was the straight-to-DVD mess Zombie Undead, which I often cite as the worst zombie film ever made, the laughable Vampire Boys, awful sequels to Mirrors and BloodRayne and – rather upsettingly – the Hammer horror film The Resident, which was just awful.

    But there can be only one Worst Horror of 2011 and this is it:

    Shark Night 3D

    Damn you Jaws. Since Spielberg unleashed that superb horror on the world, hundreds of other “filmmakers” have attempt to homage, emulate, steal and borrow from this seminal classic. Shark Night 3D is just another horror-with-sharks that fails on every level.

    Check out Boston’s respect-filled review HERE

    Shark Night 3D sits amongst Shark Attack 1 -3, Deep Blue Sea, Shark in Venice, Megashark vs Giant Octopus, Megashark vs Crocosaurus and Sharktopus as another shockingly crap shark horror movie. And it won’t stop. In 2012 we’ll be treated to the likes of Sand Sharks (Tremors meets Jaws!) and Two-Headed Shark Attack (made by The Asylum, featuring Carmen Electra. Sigh), so expect the “worst horror of 2012” to be dominated by psychotic CGI fish again.

    So what does 2012 hold for us? According to the Mayans it’s our untimely deaths and according to Roland Emmerich it’s our untimely deaths unless you know John Cusack. Apart from the end of the world, we’ll be witnessing some (or all) of the following awesomenesses:

  • Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
  • The Cabin in the Woods
  • Cockneys vs. Zombies
  • The Devil Inside
  • Knights of Badassdom
  • The Lords of Salem
  • Prometheus
  • The Woman in Black
  • World War Z
  • With these sequels:

  • Halloween 3D
  • Piranha 3DD
  • Resident Evil: Retribution (dear God, really?)
  • Underworld: Awakening
  • Scary Movie 5
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D
  • And remakes of:

  • The Monster Squad
  • Near Dark
  • With unlikely appearances from:

  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer (remake)
  • Child’s Play (remake)
  • Dracula: Year Zero
  • Ghostbusters 3
  • Hellraiser (remake)
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (remake)
  • From the list above it doesn’t appear 2012 is going to be a great year for horror, but it’s the little films that surprise, so perhaps flicks like John Dies at the End, The App Killer and Ninjas vs Monsters will provide the much needed quality we’re desperate for.

    Considering NONE of this year’s top fives appeared as “forthcoming” movies in our 2010 eulogy, fingers crossed for some superb surprises not yet on the radar.

    The 2012 movie with the “most potential to be fucking bonkers” is GINGERCLOWN 3D, which stars Tim Curry, Brad Dourif, Lance Henriksen and Sean Young as (respectively) Gingerclown, Worm Creature, Braineater and Nelly the Spiderwoman. The lack of Danny “fucking” Trejo is upsetting, but it’s still the most exciting film of 2012 so far… despite the TERRIBLE trailer. Check it out below:

    We hope you all had a truly spectacular 2011, filled with untold horrors (in film, anyway) and absolutely no Shark Night 3D. Onward towards 2012!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR from all at Gorepress! Stay awesome.

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