Blood Reich: BloodRayne 3 (2011)

The original BloodRayne (2005) was one of Uwe Boll’s most successful and well received films which, although that means virtually nothing considering his canon of work, has meant two sequels have been made.

The third in any horror film franchise is a difficult child. Often filmmakers attempt to inject the remotest sense of freshness into their series by whacking it in a recognizable period of time, like the Wild West or medieval Europe. Uwe Boll opts for the Nazi period and rolls out the clichés from here on in…

For those unfamiliar with BloodRayne, it is based on a computer game about a female version of Blade – daywalker, vampire slayer, always serious – who kicks evil ass throughout the centuries.

In Blood Reich: BloodRayne 3 she’s taking on those swastika-wearing baddies who pissed off the world in the early 40′s and who’ve been repeatedly and gleefully murdered by Hollywood since. In the process of freeing Jews from a cattle train, Rayne bites and infects a Nazi commandant, inadvertently turning him into a day-walking super-Nazi vampire. Whoops! Biting fail.

Upon hearing about this amazing transformation, demented nazi scientist, Doctor Mangler (yes, Mangler) plans to capture Rayne and use her blood to create an immortal fuehrer. So the race is on for Rayne and her new resistance friends to stop Doctor Mangler before he creates an unstoppable undead Hitler monster and basically destroys the world.

Dipping into his usual barrel of cast and crew from previous films, Uwe Boll regulars Brendan Fletcher, Michael Paré and Steffen Mennekes are here, along with Natassia Malthe for her second outing out as Rayne. The always dependable Clint Howard proves he’s not actually always dependable, topping up the ridiculous factor as the hilariously named and hideously voiced Doctor Mangler.

When it comes to mangling, BloodRayne 3 doesn’t hold back. There are gunshots, limb slicing, surgery, stabbing and lots and lots of blood. It’s certainly gained its 18 certificate and will add to the entertainment value for fans of the red stuff. It also contains boobs. Lots and lots of boobs (more on that later, boob fans).

This is writer Michael Nachoff’s debut feature-film script, but even he doesn’t avoid Boll’s nepotism net as Nachoff worked in “material servicing” for five of Boll’s previous films. I’m just hoping that’s not some horrible euphemism…

Whatever Boll got serviced by Nachoff, he still shouldn’t have let him squat and deliver the script for BloodRayne 3. It is abysmal stuff and fails to deliver any memorable lines, apart from those so utterly terrible you can’t help but laugh. Lines like “This is when the day gets ugly” roll out continuously and Rayne’s vampire-Hitler nightmare is absolutely hilarious!

The entirety of BloodRayne 3 appears to be written and directed by a couple of adolescent perverts, as there are random scenes in a brothel full of naked women and one needless lesbian scene between Rayne and a whore in a massage room. It’s full on and entirely unexpected, and surely only there for titillation, if you excuse my onomatopoeically apt use of the word “titillation”. Despite attempting to promote feminism in the dialogue, BloodRayne 3 appears very very misogynistic, having a sexualized, bisexual, hump-happy cleavage as our heroic protagonist.

The only decent dialogue is the solid narration, which kicks the story along when necessary and prevents any lengthy flashbacks for those in need of a “previously on BloodRayne” guide… although it’s hard to accept a deftly delivered philosophical narration when your protagonist is one giant dumb cleavage.

Despite being set in Nazi Germany, everyone speaks in modern day English with a huge variety of irritatingly diverse accents. Phrases like “crack in the veneer” and “he’s shish kebab” simply don’t sit well. Fans of massive anachronisms will not just enjoy Rayne’s ridiculous clothes, but also a variety of other absurd historical errors. Seek ‘em out, anacro-fans!

BloodRayne 3 isn’t absolutely awful – especially if you’re a 15 year old boy who loves boobs and dead Nazis – and is relatively entertaining at times. Fun whilst drunk, maybe, but crushingly hateful if sober.

Can we expect more of Rayne in the future? Considering Boll has directed at least three films a year since 2007, it’s a safe bet we’ll see that necrotic cleavage in the future… My money’s on BloodRayne 4: Vampires in Space..

Say whatever you like about Uwe Boll (it’s been said at least a hundred times before) the man has a market and he’s as unstoppable as an undead Nazi dictator cracked-up on vampire juice. But marginally less evil. Blood Reich: BloodRayne 3 is not as terrible as Alone in the Dark 2 but nowhere near as good as Farcry. A typical sequel from the king of schlock.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

2 Comments on “Blood Reich: BloodRayne 3”

  1. Jess says:

    What an abysmal slice of cinema!!!!

    This film should be called BloodBoob as that’s basically all it is with a couple of Nazi’s chucked in. The script and costume are awful and make absolutely no sense at all.

    I am embarressed to say that I have seen this film!

  2. cyp says:

    you are not the only embarassed one. bloodboob? there is only one scene with cleaveage and the actress has the beauty of a porn star (meaning none) . I liked the first one, the second was ok, but not watchable a second time. The third on the other hand is so “My eyes!!! I am blind!!!”. He is not good even for guys that can watch an awful movie just for a beautiful actress like me.

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