Lost Boys 3 : The Thirst (2010)

Before I start this review, I have two things to confess.

Firstly: I loved the original Lost Boys film. I listened to the soundtrack over and over again. I am one of those people that will infuriate the hell out of you by reciting the entire script while the film plays. When I grew up, I either wanted to play saxaphone like mister tight trousers, or be a vampire. I once even cut my toenails into points.

Second confession?

Corey Feldman is a guilty pleasure.

Part of it is acoustic. It’s the deep, rumbling voice, like James Earl Jones after a particularly brutal tracheotomy. The other part is what he invokes. He has this air draped around his shoulders, a virtual tie dyed tshirt soaked with the smell of cheap rolling baccy and bong water, dusted with an unsubtle top note of joss sticks and polo sweets. Corey Feldman is a poster on the bedroom wall of my youth, carefully hewn from a tattered copy of Just Seventeen.

I felt it was important to disclose that because I really quite enjoyed watching Lost Boys III: The Thirst, and I have a strong suspicion I might not be entirely objective.

Lost Boys III is clearly a labour of love. The storyline is embedded with flashbacks, scenes harvested from the original movie, and is riddled with so many references, borrowed lines, and nods to the source material that it begins to feel almost like a form of tourettes, a tic that cannot be suppressed.

The plot follows Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman). It has to be said; the years since the original film and now have not been kind. He lives in a trailer, he’s behind on his bills, his brother Alan (Jamison Newlander) has become a vampire, and Edgar looks a little bit like he stole his hair from roadkill. The story unfolds as he embarks on a mission to kill the alpha vampire (and in doing so, cure his brother Alan), defeat a plot to turn hundreds of ravers into an unwitting undead army, and simultaneously rescue the brother of english supernatural romance writer Gwen *cough, Stephanie Meyer, cough* Lieber (Tanit Pheonix). Edgar is aided, rather bizarrely, by a reality tv show contestant renowned for “arresting a bear”, and the cute nerdy girl from the comic book shop.

Characters from the first film that fail to appear are given lives they lead off screen or, in the case of Sam (originally played by the late Corey Haim), a grave that Edgar visits. It is a moment that could have easily been crass, but actually came across as suprisingly touching.

I’ll be frank. This film probably hasn’t got an oscar reel lined up. It won’t change the way you live your life. You’ll be baffled by the fact that Gwen Lieber occasionally becomes more South African than the cast of District 9. You’ll be perplexed by the fact all the female vampires have hair like the barbie dolls you find at jumble sales, and breasts containing the same amount of plastic. Traditionalists will scowl at the way people turn from human, to full on vampire, in a matter of seconds, while Alan Frog can resist blood drinking for 5 years. It is, however, bloody good fun. Feldman looks utterly at home clutching a stake, making little grunts of dissaproval like an angry hippo, and uttering fabulous lines like “Turning Holy Water… Into Holy Slaughter.”. He’s a cliché, but that’s fine. It suits him. Nobody is taking this film too seriously, least of all the people involved, but it is handled with affection rather than mockery. It is an homage, liberally sprinkled with fake blood, fake teeth, and faker breasts.

So, should you watch it? If you liked the original, then yes. If you like cheesy horror films, then yes. If you like Corey Feldman, then yes. If you don’t like any of these things, I would gently advise you avoid it like the plague.

Daft, entertaining, and a trip down memory lane

Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

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