Miss Zombie Queen UK 2010

Zombies, music, dancing, breasts, brains, blood and one pervert clown.
These are a few of my favourite things…

Gorepress have been invited to many interesting events in the past – screeners, interviews, premieres and set tours – but the e-mail we received in the middle of June was probably the strangest.

It was an invitation to the launch party of Zombie Women of Satan. In regards to brilliantly unsubtle film titles, it ranks up there with Snakes on a Plane and Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. We were instantly sold. Then we found out the launch party included the Miss Zombie Queen UK 2010 pageant, compered by Pervo the Clown. All in an evening packed with burlesque shows, undead DJs and finishing off with live band Killer B Movie rocking out into the early hours.

With huge reluctance, Boston Haverhill, Gorepress’s London correspondent (who normally spends evenings reading Sartre and tending to his juniper trees), decided he would attend this tame-sounding evening of zombies, beauty, music and perverted clowns. Dragging two of his more demented friends with him, he entered the Cobden Club in West London with wide eyes, a childish grin and a very open mind…

This is what happened.

Zombies take over the Cobden Club

Zombie Women of Satan Event

Clambering the stairs of the Cobden Club, an unassuming venue hidden in plain sight in W10 London, I entered the Zombie Women of Satan ballroom not really knowing what to expect. I was greeted with a sea of interesting-looking people – transvestites, zombies, monsters and half-naked zombie women from hell. I felt oddly at home.

As we grabbed some beverages from the bar our compere came on stage. Dressed in leather pants, open shirt, with white face paint and a lovely black clown’s nose, we were greeted by of one the stars of Zombie Women of SatanPervo the Clown a.k.a Mister Warren Speed.

Charming, funny, a little bit mental and surprisingly sporting a solid Geordie accent, Pervo introduced the plethora of Burlesque dancers onto the stage.

Brilliant Burlesque

If variety is the spice of life, this was the biggest spice rack you’ve ever seen. And the words spice and rack have never been more apt. Sexy, rude, bizarre, unique and utterly freakin’ demented, the acts were all fantastic.

Miss Zombie Queen 2010 line up

Marilyn Monroe look-a-like Banbury Cross kicked off the show with an elegant, classy, very sexy performance and the completely insane-looking Marnie Scarlet ended it, with a catheter drinking, breast slicing festival of madness.

In between were Hell’s Belles and Betty D’Light, who were both as strange and unique as each other. Brilliant, though. All of them.

Zombie DJs

Pervo the Clown left us with the zombie DJs, who whacked on some great zombie tunes for us to decompose to. I took the time to mingle with the gathered crowd, talking to the stars, makers and creators of the bonkers-looking Zombie Women of Satan. Everyone was genuinely awesome, and having a helluva lot of fun – they were friendly, open, slightly insane but always willing to chat.

I also caught up with Pervo the Clown himself, his make-up hiding the uber-talented actor, director, writer, producer, clown who’s very much looking forward to starting work on Zombie Women of Satan 2. This certainly isn’t the last we’ve heard of Warren Speed.

Miss Zombie Queen UK 2010

The event we’d all been waiting for was suddenly upon us. The Miss Zombie UK 2010 pageant. Pervo the Clown once again dominated the stage with his exuberance, and even flashed us his arse. Which had tassels. And gets a 3 out of 5 for hairiness. Yep, arse-judging. Well, we were supposed to be checking out women all night so I figured Pervo needed to be rated too. We’re all about equal rights here at Gorepress

The panel of judges included Total Film online editor Sam Ashurst, glam model and “Chelsea’s fittest fan” Victoria Shelley and the film’s lead actress, Victoria Hopkins. They sat on the sidelines, judging the finalists on various categories, including their ‘zombie-ness’, their special skills and overall sexiness, as well as their answers to the questions posed to them by good old Pervo.

The ten contestants were hugely varied in looks, talent and their concept of “zombie”. We had potential Zombie Queens dressed as sailors, strippers, mental patients, nurses, school girls and one even dressed as a World War 2 air-raid victim! They each had their own talents too, from piano-playing, brain eating, escapology and worm-gobbling to ripping their right breast off… Yep. They were all brilliant, but there can only be one winner.

Miss Zombie Queen UK 2010 Winner

And the winner is…

Von – the beautiful zombie monstrosity was dressed as a school girl and fed the audience members worms from her lunchbox. Her nasty face-burn and general bloodiness showed commitment to being the UK Queen of the Zombies. Humble and funny she apologized to me for being “sticky”. I didn’t mind. I saw it as a compliment…

Von won a cash prize, a £50 gift voucher from Vivien of Holloway (whatever the hell that is) and, mostly importantly, an opportunity to have a featured role in Zombie Women of Satan 2. Makes me wish I’d entered. I would make a fantastic zombie queen. Well, half of that’s probably true.

The Winners

The two runners-up Misty Moores and Collette Von Tora (pictured above), also received cash and sash prizes.

And the loser is…

Having consumed my weight in beer (and that’s a LOT of beer), I grabbed a taxi home and crashed out at 1am. I then woke up at 5am thinking it was Sunday afternoon. So I spent Thursday feeling like one of the many zombies I’d spent the night gawking admirably at, except less sexy and a lot less naked (which my work colleagues appreciated).

Boston’s Final Thoughts

It was phenomenal and bizarre and sexy and insane – a dementedly awesome dream. I am now finding it strange that people aren’t walking around with tassels on their nipples. I blame Pervo the Clown entirely…

Zombie Women of Satan comes out on DVD today and is available from all good retailers, and even the shit ones.

A review will follow shortly.

You can visit the official website here

2 Comments on “Miss Zombie Queen UK 2010”

  1. Nicola Jones says:

    Well it’s nice to know how dedicated the Gorepress team is to tackling such tough, taxing assignments. All those half-naked girls Scullion, it must have been such hard work.

    • The Scullion says:

      You know what, Nicola, it’s incredibly difficult being so dedicated to something you have very little interest in. You know, like half-naked women, zombies, music, horror, beer – it was a hard slog, but I got through it.

      Next time I’ll hopefully be tackling something more exciting instead, like the opening of an antiques exhibition in Canvey Island, for example…

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