Albino Farm (2009)

Albino Farm is a half-decent low budget shocker which, while entertaining, is entirely unoriginal. It re-treads very familiar territory, coming across like an amalgamation of 2001 Maniacs and Wrong Turn (which in itself was a re-tread of ‘mutant freak’ classics The Hills Have Eyes and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre).

Four college students hit the road in order to explore the Ozark Mountains as part of a school project. When they get there, they do a little sniffing around, inadvertently offending as many locals as they can and unearthing a few of the towns secrets. While there, they manage to uncover the infamous local legend of ‘Albino Farm’; a place where the towns mutant hillbilly horrors are hidden away from the prying eyes of the World. It’s not long before they realise exactly why these crazy, deformed rednecks have been concealed from the public at large, and are fighting for their lives.

All stereotype bases are covered by the four intrepid students. We have straight-laced good girl, air-headed slut, macho moron and studious foreigner. All of them, despite being a little trite and irritating, are actually fleshed out capably and although they’re not necessarily believable, their personalities are not so exaggerated that they’re reduced to simple mutant-fodder. The only familiar name on the cast list is wrestler Chris Jericho and he’s actually amongst the weakest of the cast members but is thankfully only on screen for a brief amount of time, giving the floor to our young protagonists who deal with the material more ably than he does.

Albino Farm is something of a slow starter, the first half almost verging on tiresome but if you persevere then the pay off is just about worth it. The latter half of the movie is jam-packed with horror movie cliché but instead of feeling overly familiar, it manages to retain a certain novelty. There are enough genuinely compelling moments to delight many horror fans, most notably an extremely excruciating looking scene in which two of the principal characters wake up in a cave after having been sewn together and have to attempt an escape.

There is very little in Albino Farm that the ardent horror viewer won’t already be very familiar with but it still manages to be surprisingly entertaining. Many of the peripheral characters are a little redundant and some have a very am-dram feel about them. The lighting is exceedingly poor in certain scenes making it difficult to see any of the events on screen. The plot and script borrow from more movies than I can count on both hands. The complaints are endless and yet in spite of myself, I still found much to enjoy during Albino Farm. It’s probably never going to gain a wide audience, it certainly won’t exert your grey matter and innovative it ain’t, but it has just the right combination of gore and humour to be watch-able and most importantly, it doesn’t take itself seriously. It’s worth watching if only for the grotesque ‘Pig-Bitch’ and the memorable ending but you might want to kick back and have a few beers first.

Rating: ★★★★½☆☆☆☆☆

3 Comments on “Albino Farm”

  1. The Scullion says:

    Dear Lord, I feel you’ve been quite generous with this review (yep, generous at 4.5 stars!). The characters are infuriatingly disrespectful and unlikeable. I just wanted them all to die in a car crash at the start, but the film seemed intent on continuing for some insane reason…

    When Mel flounces off into a field like a mental case, and then her torch conks out, I’ve never prayed for someone’s horrible demise so hard in my life.

    Effortlessly dull, and as you said, it takes forever to actually get somewhere. Perhaps I should’ve got incredibly drunk first… and made better decisions on film choice…

    Although Pig-Bitch does rock.

    • Sarah Law says:

      Haha, it’s not great, I’ll agree. The characters didn’t annoy me too much though, not anymore than the average stupid horror movie morons anyway. The 4.5 stars are mainly for its sincerity, (it was certainly an uncomplicated movie with no message) and I quite liked the ending. Plus, like you say, Pig Bitch was pretty cool :)

  2. Chris says:

    I sought out this film due to Richard Christy’s involvement and nothing more.

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