Archive for August, 2009

Seemingly based on the same true story as Stuart Gordon’s Stuck, Hit and Run is the story of a young girl; Mary, driving home drunk one night, who has a minor collision which she writes off as nothing more than ‘hitting a car tire’. When she gets home, she goes about her evening routine in [...]

The title says it all and says nothing at all. There is a Shark in Venice. Unusual, yes. Exciting, no. This cinematic thrill ride is a boring, ridiculous, laughable mess that’s punctuated with pieces of action so confusing and stupid that the morbid enjoyment the audience gets from it is still no excuse for seeing [...]

Antichrist is brilliant. It is visually stunning, intense, smart, bizarre, scary, horrific, bonkers and beautiful. It is also terrible. This oxymoronic horror / drama / piss-take is hard to describe without juxtaposing every sentence you can write about it. It is a work of modern art – provoking and frustrating. Antichrist is about a couple [...]

Steven Seagal versus the undead. That is what Against the Dark promises and delivers, but tragically in a lack-lustre, dull and utterly repetitive way. Against the Dark is set in the near future, where an outbreak of vampirism has decimated most of the world for no particular reason. Seagal is Tao, senior member of some [...]

The Mist centres on the inhabitants of a small town somewhere in America, as they are subjected to a mysterious storm followed by a rolling fog that brings with it unknown creatures that pose a serious threat to their respective mortalities. Stephen King adaptations generally fall into one of three categories for me; those that [...]

Night Watch (a.k.a. Nochnoi Dozor in its native Russia) is the first film in a fantasy/horror trilogy and adapted from the book of the same name. It follows the exploits of people called ‘Others’ and starts by informing the audience that in Medieval times there was a Light side and a Dark side who were [...]

Eden Lake is about a young couple; Jenny and Steve, who decide on a weekend away at the idyllic, titular lake, where Steve plans to propose. Their enjoyment of the country break is ruined when they, almost literally, bump heads with the local gang of troublesome, and potentially murderous, teens. I’m always a little more [...]

Once upon a time there was a young, virginal Catholic girl named Angie Albright. When she was eighteen years old, the time came for her to leave home and go to College where she was forced to share accomodation with a slutty stoner chick and had to take a job babysitting out in the sticks [...]

Troll is about a family who move into a new apartment block only to find themselves potential victims of, you guessed it, a troll who takes the place of their young daughter and begins turning the building into a forest-like base of operations. It also features the most superior incidence of a pint-sized wannabe wizard [...]

If you go down to the woods today …… you may stumble upon a group of tree-fellers turned zombies who will probably want to eat your brains. And thus goes the plot of this straight to DVD opus. And when I say opus, I mean steaming crap-pile. I’m considering writing a book solely on this [...]

So, the story goes a little something like this; a socially inept young man; Kenneth Winslow, who works in a office, decides to purchase a life-like sex doll, which he fashions to look like his new colleague and crush. When she takes an interest in him and the reality doesn’t quite meet the fantasy, things [...]

House Of Lost Souls (a.k.a. La Casa Delle Anime Erranti) sees a group of young geologists, one of whom suffers from ghastly visions, on their way back from a successful trip, when extreme weather conditions mean their route home is blocked. Not wanting to make their way back into town, as any sensible person would [...]

Lucas and Clementine live in a huge isolated house deep in the French countryside. One night they’re unfortunate enough to be visited by mysterious hooded assailants in the middle of the night. Naturally, they’re pretty damn scared and a fight to survive ensues. The home invasion theme is pretty familiar territory these days but Ils [...]

So, there’s this guy, right? He rips out peoples hearts, killing them, only one day this Sheriff catches him and he gets sentenced to the electric chair. Meanwhile, some chick called Sarah decides her life royally sucks and that the best way to commit suicide is to sit in the middle of the road with [...]

Before he directed a very competent remake of The Hills Have Eyes and scripted the claustrophobic chiller P2, Alexandre Aja served up this little slice of 70’s slasher throwback heaven. The story follows two female college students; Alex and Marie, who are spending some quality study-time at Alex’s parents remote farmhouse in France. No sooner [...]

The Gingerdead Man boasts not only the acting powerhouse that is Gary Busey amongst its cast members, in a fantastic turn as maniacal and absurdly named Millard Findlemeyer, it also has to be one of the shortest movies I’ve seen in recent memory. At around only 70 minutes long, one has to wonder whether that [...]

Don’t be put off by the fact that this movie is the product of US show Project Greenlight’s third series or that, genre-wise, it would fall under the much-tried-for-but-seldom-achieved horror/comedy category; it works. The basic premise of the film is that a plethora of colourful characters have each chosen to spend their evening in a [...]

Ok, so I freely admit that my sole reason for wanting to watch DeVour was Jensen Ackles. He did exactly what I expected him to do; look pretty whilst mercilessly over-acting. Unfortunately there were a number of other factors that ruined the experience for me. The film is about a trio of childhood friends, who [...]

As an avid zombie movie fan, I love the classics and despite a couple of somewhat disappointing recent additions to his ‘Dead’ franchise, Romero is still King in my book. On occasion though, I prefer a zombie movie with less of a political message and a few more laughs; that’s where Dance Of The Dead [...]

No, not the similarly titled Peter Jackson masterpiece, 2007’s Brain Dead is an entirely different take on zombies. A group of very different people end up stranded in an otherwise empty fishing lodge with the constant threat of, seemingly alien-made, zombies trying to get at them. Throw in some murderous black goo for good measure [...]

This film takes a familiar story, namely Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, gives it a modern makeover and in doing so makes it one of the most predictable yawn-fests I’ve ever been privy to. After the opening failed to pique my interest even a little, I didn’t get my hopes up and I was right not to. [...]

Kicking off with a well directed title dragging sequence, you would be forgiven for expecting good things from this After Dark release. Unfortunately this film fails to deliver on almost all of its promise. Apparently based on true events, the story follows a young girl named Faith who, having moved to escape her obsessive ex [...]

Brian Yuzna is a force to be reckoned with when dealing with genre films, he started off his career producing flicks for Stuart Gordon mainly and somewhere along he decided to take over directorial duties. This, in my humble opinion, was a mistake. This little-seen flick mixes it metaphors like a bull in a whorehouse, [...]

I had fond memories of this, dating back to when I was just a nipper. I remember being 13 and mistaking it for a sequel to Bava’s awesome Demons flicks… I bought it on VHS, and ran home to watch it. Needless to say, that scruffy 13 year old absolutely adored this flick. The plot [...]

Living in a coastal town is difficult. You have the seasonal trade to worry about, flash floods can be a problem and fishing isn’t without its perils, TV’s Deadliest Catch can attest to that. But those are just the standard day to day problems of living on Amity Island or the nameless shore town in [...]