Doomed (2007)

I picked this flick up today, for pretty cheap. I grabbed a horde of cheap movies, six for £10 and this was in there…
Suffice to say, I wasn’t expecting much. I will admit though, it exceeded all of my expectations.

A bunch of criminal types are dumped on an island in a sort of survival game-show. It isn’t long before they realise they aren’t alone, and that the game-show’s makers motives are to broadcast criminals being eaten by zombies for the morbid future TV viewer.

The plot is that basic, and set pieces are recycled from load of recent movies such as Battle Royale, Wrong Turn 2 as well as a whole host of zombie flicks. The characters were really great, I particularly liked the ex-army commando mass murderer with a heart of gold and all of the sexy lady criminals that look like they would fit in more in a teen soap than a zombie action flick. It was severely lacking in gore and there was absolutely no nudity.

The character of Reese, who I mentioned above as the mass murderer full of good intentions who helps everyone in any way he can (spoiler)only to return at the end as the main zombie villain(/spoiler). They seemed to spend their entire budget on his make up job too. I dug that the nice guys all died, and the shitty, fuck-you-over-to-win guy almost made it out, but didn’t (that’s another spoiler).
I liked the fact they didn’t shoehorn in any nudity to please the punters but I wish that some of the girls looked like real criminals, like Prisoner: Cell Block H. Those ladies were just so real.

The pace was pretty snappy, it definitely didn’t need to be any longer than 76 and a half minutes (including credits).
However the zombies were rubbish, just guys in blue face paint running about. There was no tension in the movie at all. This was partly due to the editor, who seemed to have learnt some new techniques and used them to death over and over.

Also, we are watching the film courtesy of two little (awful) CGI camera-bots who go all Max Payne and keep score when someone is attacked or makes a hit on a zombie, which was a nice idea (that they ripped off from Battle Royale) but just felt flat. The other CG stuff in the movie was shocking too, such as the show host who would pop up to repeat scenes from five minutes earlier just to annoy me.
The gore was also at a minimum, which was lame too with only a bucket or two of orangey blood thrown around towards the end.

The movie wasn’t all that bad, and although my mind did wander from time to time, I pretty much enjoyed it. I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone, or even for most people. But if you have a decent tolerance for no budget, no direction, low gore flicks then I would suggest you pick this up for no more than £1. No brains, not a lot of brawn but still a little bit of bite. I kinda dug it, it didn’t suck too hard.

Rating: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

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