Creepozoids (1987)

Alien was a great movie. Ridley Scott made an excellent film laced with tension and excellent visual effects. David Decoteau must have taken one look at it and thought “You know what this needs? This needs boobs and cheap gore. Also those effects, they gotta go!” And then, together with funding from Charles Band’s Full Moon, made Creepozoids.

In a post apocalyptic world riddled with war, five front line deserters are trying to survive the killer acid rains when they seek refuge in an abandoned laboratory. The lab is well stocked with food and has a working shower. It also has a giant killer alien that looks a bit like Marge Simpson at a minstrel show.

David Decoteau has made a lot of films over the years. Some of them were bad, others were awful, some of them downright pornographic. This isn’t one of the awful ones, although the good folks over at IMDb have this listed at 2.2/10. It is a pretty competent B flick with plenty of good things going for it. Once the premise is adequately set, and Linnea has got her tits out for the lads, Creepozoids is a pretty unrelenting piece of movie trash. The pace is tip top, mainly due to the running time of 70 minutes. The gore is pretty well realised, the meltdown scenes are particularly excellent while also being completely ridiculous. Creepozoids also contains some choice scenes of bad actors being forced to act as if they are under attack from inanimate objects, which is excellent fun to watch.

Obviously the acting is pretty weak, besides big Linnea and her two chesty chums it is doubtful you will be familiar with any of the small cast, although some of the seedier readers might recognise Ashlyn Gere (credited here under her real name Kim McKamy). The crew also seem to spend an awful lot of time running around, while synth music blips away in the background. That is another great point about the movie; the synth-based soundtrack is pretty excellent. Clearly produced by one guy and his brand new Korg something-or-other, it shines like a really 80s beacon for cheese.

Like I said, a competent flick that I personally think is bags of fun. I wouldn’t expect any sort of masterpiece. I would expect silly overuse of fake blood in peoples mouths, giant rats that don’t actually move and a killer baby sequence that ought to have you in stitches by the time the credits roll.

Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

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